Owen Wilson Is Free To Be A Man Slut Now

June 24, 2011 / Posted by:

The Daily Mail reports that the Butterscotch Stallion has galloped away from the mother of his 5-month-old, because he still has more wild sows to oat (That’s how the saying goes right?) and he’d rather fill his feed bag with random vaginas than look at the same face every single morning.

A source says that Owen Wilson wanted to make it work with Jade Duell, but he also wanted to live like a single man slut. So he asked Jade if she would be open to letting him stick his crooked penis nose on the crotch of his side pieces as long as he came home every night to her and their son Robert Ford. Jade basically answered Owen with this. A source explained it like this:

“Owen wanted the freedom to do what he wanted with his friends, both male and female, while remaining a family unit with Jade and the baby. But Jade wasn’t willing to go along with that, so Owen decided to end things with her instead of cheating behind her back.”

If Vanilla Gorilla and Tiger Woods subscribed to Owen Wilson’s way of thinking, they wouldn’t be card carrying members of The Selfish Douchewhore Club and most of us wouldn’t have syphilis of the retinas from staring at Boobshit McGross in her tell-all interviews. Seriously, if VG broke up with Sandra Bullock before hailing his dick into any slut with a neck tattoo, Bombshell McGee’s 15 minutes would’ve never started. So we should send Owen a thank you basket of morning after pills for ending his relationship before whoring it up. Think of all the Rachel Uchitels he saved us from having to meet.

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