Stephen King lied to us all. Annie Wilkes from Misery didn’t die when Paul bashed her in the head with that pig statue. No, Annie Wilkes lived, retreated back into her cabin and later traded her crazed obsession with Misery Chastain for a crazed obsession with a show called True Blood.
Then Annie pawned off of a few of her ceramic penguins to pay for a plane ticket to the True Blood premiere after-party in L.A. Just look at Annie lurking in the background while the object of her affection ASkars laughs at Amanda Seyfried who is begging him to pull out his Swedish sausage (Who can blame the trick?). Looking at this makes me feel like I’m lying on an iron bed with a piece of wood between my ankles.
And then just look at Annie dissecting Amanda with her eyes like she can’t wait to make a skin suit out of that girl so that ASkars will hover his hand around her face too.
Dear ASkars, if “Amanda Seyfried” comes up to you with a needy face and says “Touch me, you dirty birdy, you,” RUUUUUUN!