The DC Heidi Montag Is The Pop Star We’ve All Be Waiting For!

June 24, 2011 / Posted by:

Yes, the “o” in pop star is long.

Staple the folds of your ears to your face until you’re partially deaf, coat your eyeballs with white glue until you can’t focus on moving objects, swallow a bottle of anything mind altering until your soul is numb and then press play on The Real Housewives of DC’s Michaele Salahi moving like a stale grandma scarecrow blowing in a fart on NBC Miami’s local morning show.

If Kim Zolciak’s dirty tampon mated with Heidi Montag’s half-melted suppository and the latter gave birth in the middle of a Ke$ha concert held in the parking lot of a Versace outlet, this is pretty much what an artist’s dramatization of that event would look like. Everything about this GOLD down to the UPS delivery dude clocking out for 5 minutes so he could help a bitch out. And no, I won’t be signing, because this package is going back!

via Gawker

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