George Clooney Fired Elisabetta Canalis

June 22, 2011 / Posted by:

Robot call girl Sarah Larson will finally get a roommate at the halfway house for George Clooney’s ex-pieces, because he has kindly pink-slipped his girlfriend of 2 years Elisabetta Canalis. Cocktail waitress and Italian models/coke whores who know how to keep their mouth shuts to the media can form a line to the left for Elisabetta’s replacement. George and Elisabetta issued this open goodbye letter to Entertainment Tonight about their break-up:

“We are not together anymore. It’s very difficult and very personal and we hope everyone can respect our privacy.”

If you looked into Elisabetta’s eyes as she said the “respect our privacy” you’d see her blinking in Morse code: “Please respect my privacy since I obviously won’t and will be giving interviews about this to anybody who waves a tape recorder at my mouth.

This is sad news, actually. Did I ever think that George Clooney would break his streak as an unmarried ho and actually make that stick of Cindy Crawford jerky his next wife? No. This is sad news, because a camera crew wasn’t there to capture the priceless moment of George firing Elisabetta. There she was, standing outside of his villa and telling a reporter I will be married one day and all my haters are just jealous that I will be walking down the aisle towards their screensaver and they won’t!” as George Clooney’s bodyguards carry her belongings out the front door and onto the back of a pick-up truck driven by her uncle.

Elisabetta signed her own walking papers as soon as she said the word “marriage.” Whatever the opposite of a safe word is, George’s is: MARRIAGE. Study up, whores, and learn from Elisabetta’s mistake.

And here’s George and Elisabetta having dinner near his villa just last week. Add a few swear words, a couple of security guards, a bag full of stolen office supplies and that’s pretty much what it looked like when I get fired from my last job.

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