Courtney Stodden's Mother Approves Of This
Yesterday, most of the internet kept waiting for Chris Hansen to pop out of the pantry when we learned that 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison (aka Tooms from The X-Files) married 16-year-old aspiring country singer Courtney Stodden in Las Vegas last month. I figured that Courtney tricked her parents into signing a parental consent for marriage form instead of her high school field trip form, because who willingly lets their 16-year-old child marry a sleazester who looks like he masturbates with diapers on his face and has a name that only the National Sex Offender Registry could love?
The answer to that question is Krista Stodden, because she tells Radar that she gave her blessing for her daughter to marry Tooms and she thinks that their love is as natural as Courtney's tits.
"We are totally supportive of this marriage. Doug is a wonderful man and we love him. They are very much in love and we are so supportive of this. Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl. She is a beautiful girl. She has real breasts, real lips, she's not plastic."
Liam Neeson's character from Taken is not at all amused by Krista's words. When are we going to get to the part where we find out that Krista Stodden is a blind, quadruple amputee who suffers from the most severe kind of amnesia and has no sense of reason, because this checks every box on every page of WRONG.
First of all, if Krista's tits are real then so is the peen on my inflatable ginger love doll. Second of all, most of you did your best Donald Trump impersonation yesterday when you demanded to see Courtney Stodden's birth certificate since she looks like she was 16, 16 years ago. It's true. That's what 16 would look like in the porn version of Benjamin Button. So because of this, the phrase "publicity stunt" has come up a few times. Up until yesterday, not many knew Doug Hutchison by name and NOBODY knew Courtney Stodden and now we all do!
But why would Courtney lower herself to such cheap theatrics when her talent speaks for itself! Just look at this masterpiece of a video and try to tell me that she's not the Ke$ha of our time:
Yes, that abused poodle is hoping that an alligator will jump out of the water and end everyone's misery, but beyond that Courtney Stodden is a star! In a few years, when we see Courtney posing on a strip club flyer under the words "FEATURED STAR," we can all say that we remembered her when....
(Image via CourtneyStodden.com)
• 
You know you are done when you change your outfit and forget to change your earrings.
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{(º,_,º)} Crystal
Ugh, that poor girl, she never had a chance with that creepy mother of hers tearing a page from Joe Simpson's playbook. What kind of parent makes a point of ensuring the public that their 16-year-old daughter's breasts are real (shallow aside: like hell they are), let's us all know that she's a virgin and marries her off to some creep* three times older than her?
*Yes, I can separate the actor from the skeevy characters he plays, but marrying a teenager just so you can fuck her? Creepy. Methinks he and her parents are dealing with some kind of temporal dislocation that makes them think that they're living in midieval times when lesser lords sold their daughters like cattle to whatever rich guy they wanted something from. I'm just surprised that her mother didn't say how proud she was that her girl would bring forth good sons.
BRB, skin is crawling.
ETA: that song is hilariously awful. So I guess it's a positive that she has "
Good Christian (TM) breeding stock" to fall back on.
She's 16 in Dog Years....
she puts the Chris (Hanson) in Christian.
i don't care what anyone says. that's not a kid. forget obama's birth certificate. I want to see HER birth certificate.
Red bikini pic is looking awfully Terry Richardson'ish. Like an American Apparel ad.
Ugh, this reminds me of the time when Jessica Simpson's skeevy father held a press conference and confirmed that yes, her breasts were "100% HOME-GROWN!" And I also believe that Stodden's mother is also a church minister, just like JSimp's dad. It must be something in the holy water.
In retrospect, I'm glad my parents were overprotective as hell, if these two famewhore pimp freaks are the alternative.
ETA - I mean her parents. Her DAD'S OK with this? Part of his job description is to kick Creepy McCreeper's ass and have the cops tail him until he gets the hint, not sign his daughter's virginity away to the guy.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Are we sure that isn't Lady Gaga doing more "performance art"? The pictures - esp. the red bikini and flag ones - look a lot like GagMe.
Damn, I'm so tired of plastic twats insisting that breasts are real when they're clearly not.
i never thought Tooms would return in my life and in my nightmares.
when I was 16 I wanted to look older, like 21 so I could buy beer. Why would a teenager want to look 30 years old? Or even worse, like a 30 year old stripper?
She is a TERRIBLE lip syncher. And seeing this video makes me long for the days of Britney Spears' "innocence" in comparison..
Turning in and will watch this French horror movie, "Prey" about killer pigs, I think. Anything is better than the image of the blissfully wedded Mr. and Mrs. Hutchinson, even the possibility of homicidal swine ripping and tearing human flesh. Oh, I see that Monsieur Gregoire Colin is in this. He is not hard on the eyes.
Submitted by kiwikim on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 12:49am.
Who here suddenly feels kind of slightly proud and happy you lost your virginity to some bumbling boy you loved, even if it was puppy love, and who asked you to go steady first instead of the highest bidder on the virgin for sale web site?
I totally lost mine during a summer job away from home with a dude I'd known for two whole weeks. :)
I feel sorry for this girl. No good is going to come of this.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Who here suddenly feels kind of slightly proud and happy you lost your virginity to some bumbling boy you loved, even if it was puppy love, and who asked you to go steady first instead of the highest bidder on the virgin for sale web site?
Courtney Stodden's mom is watching the brook videos and thinking damn...where is roman polanski and woody allen when you need them. Unfortunately though, her ho of a daughter never looked like a virgin. Also loved how she's now trying to market herself as country western...b/c it's easier to break in to! Lol. Bet you they do live in Florida and tried to audition at disney. Someone, find the tape! lol.
Submitted by kiwikim: "Unfortunately while pulling up the pretty baby video clip it led me into pedo heaven. Brooke Sheild's mom sold soft pedo porn of her daughter for a quick buck. No? Shit she used to do in the 70's...the way she used to pose... was effin creepy. Like way more creepy than Britney Spears just being a school girl slut because Brooke actually looks like a virgin...some innocent being led to the slaughter. Ugh. Blue Lagoon. Pretty Baby. Not right really in retrospect.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6WPwHJpJoA&feature=related"
Check out "Alice, Sweet Alice," a nice, creepy little film she did in the 70s.
You think Brook aged hard? Hmmm. Not me so much. We were all beautiful kids. :)
Unfortunately while pulling up the pretty baby video clip it led me into pedo heaven. Brooke Sheild's mom sold soft pedo porn of her daughter for a quick buck. No? Shit she used to do in the 70's...the way she used to pose... was effin creepy. Like way more creepy than Britney Spears just being a school girl slut because Brooke actually looks like a virgin...some innocent being led to the slaughter. Ugh. Blue Lagoon. Pretty Baby. Not right really in retrospect.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6WPwHJpJoA&feature=related
Submitted by kiwikim on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 12:27am: "@Bjork. It's like asking if I'd rather have herpes or hep. Both suck."
Coward!!!
(We know they both suck. How do you think one got famous and the other got her sugar granddaddy? [Wait until she realizes he's only got $984.56 in the bank until his next SSI check comes in].)
Submitted by kiwikim: "What's missing from their PR packet of pictures is any commentary about how these two lovebirds met. I'm guessing that's because our stellar actor could go to jail for looking at the pediophile/sugar daddy web site. Or he bought her in a virgin auction a'la Brooke Sheilds in Pretty Baby.
You'll all enjoy this....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czH5My7oZnc&feature=related"
Brooke Shields was a beautiful kid. She's aged hard.
@Bjork. It's like asking if I'd rather have herpes or hep. Both suck.
Submitted by kiwikim: "@Bjork...I disagree with the looks are still there perception. This look does not grow old gracefully. Look at Pam Anderson. Anna Nicole Smith. Shauna Sand. Just saying.
Girlfriend married best she could. But once she's out in hollywood and her dumb ass husband gets nil call backs because the studio doesn't want to touch Roman Polanski, she'll take whatever step up and out she can. He's not going to be around to see her at 50."
Kiwikim, no,no, I was joking. This bitch is busted. If you type in "teen slut, big boobs, bukkake" you will get a link to her. I'm telling you, we're going to hear about them shopping around a reality show or one being offered to them.
Who would you do, her or Heidi Montag? You must choose.
What's missing from their PR packet of pictures is any commentary about how these two lovebirds met. I'm guessing that's because our stellar actor could go to jail for looking at the pediophile/sugar daddy web site. Or he bought her in a virgin auction a'la Brooke Sheilds in Pretty Baby.
You'll all enjoy this....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czH5My7oZnc&feature=related
@Bjork...I disagree with the looks are still there perception. This look does not grow old gracefully. Look at Pam Anderson. Anna Nicole Smith. Shauna Sand. Just saying.
Girlfriend married best she could. But once she's out in hollywood and her dumb ass husband gets nil call backs because the studio doesn't want to touch Roman Polanski, she'll take whatever step up and out she can. He's not going to be around to see her at 50.
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 12:14am.
Ah, but while the "looks" are still there, Hutchinson will enjoy the control that he thinks he has over her, and she will enjoy the control that she thinks she has over him. This is some busted-ass "Lolita" shit. Humbert Humbert is giving Hutchinson a side eye.
Except in this case, her mother willingly offered her up on a platter. Ugh.
@Bjork you....
Bless you. Call me when you're 50 and been supporting a girl who can't balance a cheque book and plan ahead farther than the colour of her nail polish. Looks fade.
=====================
Ah, but while the "looks" are still there, Hutchinson will enjoy the control that he thinks he has over her, and she will enjoy the control that she thinks she has over him. This is some busted-ass "Lolita" shit. Humbert Humbert is giving Hutchinson a side eye.
Let's take bets on which loser network is going to buy the lame ass reality show they're privately shopping. Means we'll get to watch this dumb has been who never was bust out more great songs in the back of a boat she found parked in the florida everglades. Why do you think she didn't finish the song? The cops came along and told her to skeeeedaddle.
She's quite full of herself, that's a given. The constant thrusting of her 'natural' boobs just cracks me up. Natural or not, if you have to thrust your jugs with emphasis in order to make a non-point, nine times out of ten...you have no brains OR talent.
Honestly, I think this type of chick would make the coolest and most hippest type of Wal-Mart greeter EVER. Screw the old folks, bring in the Bikini Barista/2livecrew bootay/Swedish bikini team rejects, add in a dash of annoying "small town girl Christian" coupled with "I'd fuck for money if I can do Playboy" personality and...
Poor kid. I don't care how old she is...the parents should have their faces plastered all over the place and own up to this fuckery.
Absolutely anyone with a credit line can buy the look this ho is sporting. No work in it. You set your sights too low.
@Bjork you....
Bless you. Call me when you're 50 and been supporting a girl who can't balance a cheque book and plan ahead farther than the colour of her nail polish. Looks fade. It's a blessing to be married to someone smart and funny.
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 12:01am.
Brains, like love, are overrated.
""""""""""""""""""
Yup. It's all about dick size and culinary ability.
Brains, like love, are overrated.
Ho lisps. WATCH her lips and listen closely at 1:11. (and other places). No wonder she's gotta shake her tits like a stripper on the interstate truck stops in Florida. Her brains aren't going to make her rich.
Looks like that girl spent way too much time practising her moves in front of the mirror.
Fuck...all I can do is laugh.
Girl get in line behind Heidi Montag on the mambo line in Vegas. Millions of girl with white hair and plastic boobs. And their mom doesn't have to step up to defend them. NEXT.
It'd be funny if Hutchison was the last one to know, like Harry Dean Stanton with Elizabeth Ashley in "Rancho Deluxe."
Beakers Bitch, don't be ragging on Vegas hos and their drink cups, how else are you going to get 6-7 shots into one drink. I agree w/ the lip-syncing, at first I thought something was wrong w/ my computer.
Bjork You on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 11:40pm.
I think I just came.
SICK
/concurs secretly
Sluttsville on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 11:32pm.
Do most 16 y.o. Christian virgins pose with 32 oz. drink cups and fake tits?
Jesus loved prostitutes. Surely prostitots are not exempt?
Submitted by super martian r... on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 9:19pm.
Submitted by Hotmami on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 7:19pm.
I don't understand how girls START OUT with anal sex. I mean, damn.
------
Horny Boy: Baby, you are so beautiful.
Stupid Girl: Really? (smiles)
Horny Boy: *grins* Oh yeah. I think I love you, baby. I never met any girl as special as you.
Stupid Girl: I love you, too. I want this to be special. Do we really have to do this in the backseat of your car? And you want to put it in my ass??
Horny Boy: I want to save your virginity for our wedding night. I don't want to get you pregnant. I love you so much, baby. *starts pulling off girl's clothes* You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You are so special to me.
Stupid Girl: Yeah, I don't want to get pregnant, either. I love you so much though.
Horny Boy: Oh baby, we will be together forever.
*horny boy never calls her again but does tell his friends what a whore she is*
=================
I think I just came.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 11:33pm.
Do most 16 y.o. Christian virgins pose with 32 oz. drink cups and fake tits?
I was JUST about to ask if that was a yard long marguerita in her hand. The kind you always see hos with stumbling down the Strip in Vegas. What a horrible video. You can't even call it "lipsyncing" because it's not even synced!
By "Don't Put It On Me", did she mean that old wrinkly man peen?
Hotmami on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 11:08pm.
Reason #57547474432 why I am afraid for the little girls of America.
The parents are scum.
I never forced religion down my daughter's throat and for a long time she decided to be an Atheist as a teen and then became Christian and baptized of her own accord as an adult.
I only got physical once with my daughter when she spazzed out and ran into traffic and I grappled her. But, if my daughter had the misfortune of turning out like this girl after all of my care, teaching and protectiveness...I'm sorry, I might have felt tempted to slap the stupid out of her.
Do most 16 y.o. Christian virgins pose with 32 oz. drink cups and fake tits?
Do most 16 y.o. Christian virgins pose with 32 oz. drink cups and fake tits?
Have you seen her video where she talks about Cyber bullies? It's brilliant.
And that old actor should be jailed.
Reason #57547474432 why I am afraid for the little girls of America.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
If she did this for attention, this is about all of the attention she is going to get, unless she gets pregnant, trades up or is murdered by him. I predict a lot of desperate stunts in the future.
her parent's sound ace, like a cross between Papa Joe Simpson and Dina Lohan
This is a total scam for publicity. She's in her 30s and, like Andrea from 90210, really believes that she looks like a teenager. And I know fake boobs when I see them. I had big 'uns in high school too, but no naturally well-endowed chest looks like that. No freaking way.