In news that will make you miss the exciting days of hearing about the Pollyanna of fag hags Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal giggling over pumpkin lattes together, People reports that Blake NotSoLively and Leonardo DiCatchaHo ordered two cups of coffee last Thursday at some shop in Carmel, CA. In related news, you just injected the contents of two espresso capsules directly into your brain so that your nose won’t hit the 6 key while reading this incredibly exciting story (SPOILER ALERT: it will).
The love affair that bloomed out of a publicist’s BlackBerry started in Cannes has since made stops in Italy, NYC, Disneyland and now Carmel. A witness type says that before taking a walk together, Blake and Leo came into the Carmel Coffeehouse and did this: “Blake ordered two cappuccinos. One with whipped cream, and one without. But when she learned that the whipped cream was homemade, she added it to the second drink. She was very sweet.”
And I bet that basic bitch Blake never winked at Leo and said that she’ll churn out a dollop of his homemade whipped cock cream later (Note: Can you actually whip cock cream with a whisk?). What a missed opportunity! I swear, Blake is so bland that she makes a Quaker’s yeast infection seem full of flavor. I also swear that if I ever called People to tell them that Blake ordered two cappuccinos with homemade whipped cream, I’d probably just quit life. Err. But then again, here I am using up my bandwidth to tell you that the new Taylor and Jake ordered two cappuccinos with homemade whipped cream. In my defense, the fact that this weekend I ate Cheerios with tap water and powdered cream because I was too lazy to go downstairs to buy milk means that I have already quit life.
(Image via Bauer Griffin)