What you’re looking at is a beach ball freaking the hell out from thinking, that like its fellow plastic balls, it will soon be stuffed into the body of an inflated horse. You’re also looking at Heidi Montag who is paying for her next elbow lipo surgery by hosting a pool party at Wet Republic in Las Vegas on Saturday. How Heidi found the time to fill the pool goers nostrils with the scent of burnt Tupperware fumes and bleached desperation is beyond me, because bitch is in the gym 14 hours a day. No, bitch didn’t get a job as a Pilates rubber band. Heidi tells UsWeekly that she actually spends those 14 hours working out.
“I’ve been working out from, like, 5 a.m. to 7 p.m. for two months now. I’ve been working out really hard because I had this pool party and I was like, I have to be in shape. And I was actually a lot overweight. It was the most I’ve ever been because I’ve kind of been in hiding eating pie with my husband and puppies, so I needed to get back in shape.
I’ve been running a lot, and I’ve been doing weights. When you work out, you boost your metabolism, so you have to [make sure you eat enough].
My breasts, because they’re so big, really needed some time. So I’m just starting to work out again after my surgery. Sometimes I get shooting pains, but I hear that’s normal.”
The last time I was in the gym, I got on the bike for 3 minutes before I had to stop to focus on the episode of AbFab I was watching on my iPhone, so I’m no authority on working out. But this par baked twat needs to stop using numbers and leave “sense of time” to the professionals. And by “professionals” I mean hos who didn’t get their brain scooped out to make their heads skinnier. Then again, maybe she’s telling the truth. Heidi is made of the same materials as a dildo and when you work out a dildo for 14 hours, it doesn’t end up with muscles. It only ends up with ass scab bits and lubed smegma. So I’ve heard.