The Church Of Scientology Will Keep John Travolta & Kelly Preston Together

Here’s John Travolta, Kelly Preston and their kids Benjamin and Ella Bleu leaving a hotel in Paris on Father’s Day. If that look of pained misery painted on Kelly’s face is because she once again had to piss in the sink of their suite’s wet bar because John was having a bubble bath with his French call boy, then don’t worry. Once they get in front of Sister Tommy Girl and Father Miscavige, their problems will be brain washed away! In a new interview with Extra, John talks about his son Benjamin (“He’s dreamy!“) and also says that the secret to keeping his beard fluffy and happy is their counseling sessions with their church. Xenu’s just rolled his eyes so hard that a new flock of Thetans blew up into every Scientologist’s asshole. Cut to Johnny:

“Communication is number one, but our church does a lot to help us keep together. When we have issues, we go settle it up, and if you don’t do that you kind of get stale a little bit.”

What he means by “does a lot to help us keep together” is that all the men gather into the sauna and counsel each other’s prostates with their peens while Kelly Preston sits outside and plays checkers with Stepford Katie. Then when John comes outside, his “church” shows him pictures of what he just did and tells him that if he ever leaves them or Kelly, they’ll splatter that shit on a billboard over Sunset Blvd. Kelly sighs and then they all go to dinner like one big happy family! I swear. Kelly’s life story is waiting for John to get that dick out of his mouth so they can go to dinner already!