Vanilla Gorilla And Kat Von D Are Getting Married This Summer

June 17, 2011 / Posted by:

Vanilla Gorilla has used his hailin’ fist to beat down the rumor that his engagement to Katherine von Drachenberg is no more. Life & Style ran story claiming that Vanilla Gorilla told his friends that Kat Von D is too much drama and he’s not interested in making her the fourth wife he’ll totally fuck over in the worst way. But Vanilla Gorilla told People that there’s no trouble trashadise and everything’s going according to plan. In fact, VG tells People that he and Kat Von D will beat the dead carcass that is marriage by becoming husband and wife on their one-year anniversary as a couple:

“We’re still going strong. Things are completely good with us. That day can’t come soon enough! Everything is on track. I am absolutely more in love today than I was a year ago. She’s the one for me.”

Of course their one-year anniversary is in August. Most big cities in August reek of grilled dog shit, baked kitty litter, rancid hamburger juice and dirty flip-flop butter so nobody will notice when the disgusting fumes of trash waft from VG and Kat’s lips during their first kiss as a married couple. No, seriously, if VG insists on trying to make marriage work for him, I’ll tell him the same thing I tell my Chihuahua when he tries to butt hump a Labrador at the dog park: “Have fun trying, bitch, because it’s never going to happen.”

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