Because somebody has to put a bag of Wonder Bread on the Spears family table, Brit Brit Spears popped her possum poon and spread her monkey bread loaves on various inanimate objects at the opening night of her Femme Fatale tour in Sacramento, CA last night. Not only did Brit Brit come out as objectum sexualist, but I’m told that her microphone was turned on and she actually made sounds with her vocal cords into it. !!!!!!!! Smear Frapp crust on my no-no and fuck me with a Slim Jim, because this is a TWIST! This is also the worst thing that’s happened to the art of lip-synching since Puttin’ on the Hits was canceled. Bitch’s vocal cords were probably mad as cold shit that she woke them up from their long nap. They’re like, “….the fuck? This is not part of the game.”
Here’s a way too long clip of Brit Brit allegedly farting musical notes into a mic with her mouth. ALLEGEDLY!
Yeah, it still looks and sounds to me like she’s moving her Cheeto suckers to a track. If you played this song while watching a video of a dog slurping up water from a hose in slow motion, it might look the same. But since Brit Brit is stuffed into that satin white diaper so tight that she’s inspired me to make Velveeta souffle for dinner, I will believe.
Work it like a trailer park belly dancer, Brit!