Daily Archives: June 16, 2011

The Edge Of Boring

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Here’s Lady Gaga and Clarence Clemons of the E Street Band (Try the Jello, Clarence!) in her new video for “Edge of Glory,” which is completely free of bible pirates, skin aliens and all other kinds of theatrical fuckery. It’s just Caca, Clarence, gothic clown makeup, Nomi Malone’s re-purposed Versayce dress, the set of Sesame Street and a whole lot of nothing.

Part of this shit is like a Cher video WITHOUT Cher and the other part is just Caca fucking on the fire escape like Vivian from Pretty Woman on the wrong kind of Ecstasy. I seriously kept waiting for Pearl from 227 to pop her head out of the window and scream at Caca to take her sloppy hussy ass off her stoop!

On a positive note, there’s no need for you to take that Universal Studios tour this summer because Caca pretty much gave it to you!

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Rebecca Black Takes Back “Friday”

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

If you need to know which day comes after Saturday then you’ll have to do it analog style by checking your damn desk calendar, because Rebecca Black has pulled the bloody scab that is “Friday” off of YouTube. TMZ says that the reason is because Ark Music Factory, the Illuminati child pop star factory that produced the video, and Rebecca are fighting to the death over the rights to that mess (there’s nobody root for here).

On Monday, Ark tried to charge hos $2.99 to watch “Friday” and that’s what forced Rebecca to take it off of YouTube. Rebecca’s lawyer said this shit:

“We can confirm that we submitted a Take Down Notice to YouTube as a result of the dispute we have with Ark Music regarding the ‘Friday’ video.”

Don’t worry! You can still prove that you hate yourself by downloading it on iTunes! Or you can just wait until you get to the underworld, because I’m pretty sure “Friday” is what the farts of Satan’s minions sound like.

Oh, well. At least we’ll always Vagina Ain’t Handicapped!

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She’s Very Educated, Okay!

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

When trash is acting like trash, I call them trash. But when trash is acting like trash, my mother calls them uneducated. That is her “insult” for everything and everybody. A woman cuts her off as she’s trying to get on the freeway and she’ll say, “That woman is so uneducated!” A Verizon customer service rep will bring the bitch on her and she’ll tell me, “They need to get more education!” A dog will break into her backyard and piss on her fruit tree and she’ll say, “Education! That dog needs some.” It makes no sense, but you can use it for everything. Your dude doesn’t pull out in time: “Get some education, please!” The bartender cuts you off and calls you a cab: “Go enroll in a place where you can get education!” Etc.. etc… Which leads me to the clip above….

The woman with the soul-killing, irritating job interview voice was talking some filth into her cell phone on a Metro North train in New York when the conductor told her to change the NC-17 rating on her phone call to rated G. Basically, the conductor told her to stop talking like a nasty trash mouth (aka like yours truly and Dlisted commenters). The chick was so appalled and offended that the conductor would accuse her of dropping fuck bombs since she’s a highly educated scholar with degrees from several prestigious universities and shit.

Yes, she pulled the “I’M EDUCATED” card! Come on now. Degrees and diplomas do not matter on the streets (except for one from Barbizon). If you’re a preschool dropout or have a PhD from Oxford, you should already know that if you act like asshole in a public place, someone is going to call your ass out on your assholery. And your degrees aren’t going to save you. Save it for your Linkedin profile, bitch!

This verbal tussle didn’t end in a spaghetti massacre or with a little ass brat getting pepper sprayed in the face by a queen (my favorite still). It simply ended with Professor Doctor Educated once again declaring to everyone how educated she is! Ha.

And my mom thinks she STILL needs more education.

via Best Week Ever

Guess Who Tried To Tame A Segway And Failed?

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

The answer: ELLIE GOULDING!

Okay, you’re most likely still wearing the same shade of WHAT? on your face. Ellie Goulding is a British singer who yodeled Prince William and Duchess Kate into marriage at their royal wedding reception and now she’s the trick who got bucked off a Segway and ate sand with her ass in Miami. The only time I like Segways is when a bitch falls off of one.

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Fishsticks Paltrow investigates the plight of the Asian American for GOOP by becoming Asian American for a night – Lainey Gossip

18-year-old Selena Gomez eats like an 18-year-old – The Superficial

Fire up the breaking news sirens! That chick from 90210 dyed her hair – Hollywood Tuna

This Tom Hardy poster looks exactly like the cover of a gay porn I had under my bed for years – Towleroad

The soil in Jeff Buckley’s grave is getting mulched today! – Celebitchy

Fruit porn! – The Berry

Richard Branson and Karolina Kurkova look absolutely damn happy for two people who just fucked up their clothes – Popholic

More like “Boringball” – Just Jared

Brooklyn Decker’s nipples. That is all. (NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Today’s STFU goes out to Teen Mom AmberICYDK

Look at this clever dog – The Daily What

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux get upstaged by a struttin’ memaw – Popsugar

I’ll bet all of my AIDS burgers that it’s TaraOMG Blog

I had a dream last night that Alicia Keys came out as a lesbo and now here’s pictures of her from last night (weird, right?) – Hollywood Rag

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly knows how to dress – Cityrag

Nia Long is knocked up! – I’m Not Obsessed

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In Case You Missed It, Weiner Gets Teased

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Anthony Weiner finally closed the Weinergate by announcing he’s resigning from the House of Representatives during a press conference this afternoon in Brooklyn. All because he simply sent a trick a picture of his democradick (I’m sorry)! Facebook fucking and webcam dick pictures has claimed another!

And it’s a little fitting that this whole mess ended the same way it started: with some ho asking the question, “Are you more than seven inches?Benjy from The Howard Stern Show heckled Weiner during his speech and shouted shit like “Were you fully erect?” and “Bye bye pervert!” Weiner kept his head up, stayed hard and didn’t waver (put your hand down your pants and read that again for a quick jolt).

There was no way Weiner was going to break. Nancy Pelosi already yelled those same exact lines at him in the locker room, so he’s used to it by now.

Source: MSNBC via Buzzfeed

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