It’s A Sad Day For True Love
The lunar goddess who was plucked out of a celestial blossom by Buzz Aldrin when he visited the moon has filed for divorce from him after 23 years of marriage. TMZ brings us the news that will make the galaxy cry starry tears. They say that Buzz, the second man to walk on the moon, filed papers in Los Angeles yesterday to legally quit Lois Driggs Cannon, the daughter of McDonald’s Mr. Tonight and Miss Klingon 1921. We now know the answer to the question: “Can a love between a human astronaut and an exquisite alien deity last forever?” Tell your children.
Buzz blames “irreconcilable differences” on the reason why their fiber optic flower of a marriage blew a fuse and died forever. Buzz says they separated only two days ago.
This just doesn’t make sense! Why would Buzz Aldrin walk out on a celestial beauty like Lois?! Why would he choose to not wake up next to a glistening forehead of a moon angel? Yes, it takes Buzz 20 minutes and several coats of lip chap to kiss her from the top of her infinitehead to her lips every morning, but I bet it’s the best 20 minutes of his day.
I’m going to choose to believe that Buzz loves Lois so much that he just has to let her go. Like that movie Splash! It broke Buzz’s heart to watch Lois stare out the window at her native land with her eyes playing that Klymaxx song. Buzz knew Lois would be happier breaking craters with her forehead on the moon. So he let her fly up, up away and to be with her people. That is the only reasonable explanation for this shit!
Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon. Goodnight Buzz and Lois too…
And well, I guess Hugh Hefner’s got a new partner in geriatric ho shit.