Who Wore It Better?

June 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Like I even have to ask?

Blake Lively rolled through the bride’s first night collection in the bath aisle at Bed, Bath and Beyond before hitting the L.A. premiere of The Green Lantern last night. Don’t you just want to throw her on the bottom of your tub so you don’t slip and break an ass bone while showering? But jokes aside, I am a little surprised that Blake NotSoLively looked so demure at the opening of her first huge movie. Up until this point, Blake had been whoring herself out raw to sell this movie. The “It Wasn’t Me” naked picture sponsored by Shaggy, the whole “taming of Leonardo DiCatchaho thing and then she ends up with nothing but a silent bang?

If the reviews are right, then The Green Lantern is a pile of shit covered in green phlegm that will probably get beat at the box office by that movie about penguins who are addicted to poppers. So I would’ve though that Blake would’ve put in one last giant thrust by putting the ATTENTION in attention whore. You know, like showing up to the premiere wearing Leonardo’s dick as a necklace and the transcripts from Jennifer Garner’sSTOP TRYING TO STEAL MY HUSBAND, YOU BLAND OATMEAL WHORE” voicemails to her as a skirt. The only way this movie can be saved is if Warner Bros. makes some last minute changes and turns the Green Lantern’s finger ring into a cock ring.

Here’s a few more pictures from the premiere of the movie you won’t be seeing this weekend: Blake Lively with her family (including TEEN WITCH!), Ryan Reynolds, Zachary Levi, my new wet dream co-star, Peter Sarsgaard and Angela Bassett.

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