The LeAnn Rimes “Sex Tape” Doesn’t Have Any Sex In It

When Star Magazine said that a LeAnn Rimes sex tape was making the rounds, I threw up (pause) my hands and said “I’m good!” because if I want to watch a leopard gecko eat a grasshopper I’d watch a leopard gecko eat a grasshopper. Since the pores in LeAnn’s fingers cream jizz every time her name comes up in the media, she immediately jumped on the Twitter stage and denied that she’s ever made a sex tape. Cut to today.

A poster named OneMoreVol at Tiger Droppings (via Gawker) claims he found the memory stick to a digital camera in the back of a moving van in 2008. OneMoreVol posted this on May 25th, a couple of weeks before Star’s story. OneMoreVol says that on the tape, LeAnn’s husband at the time, Dean Sheremet, talks to her in a “creepy baby voice” while she changes in front of a mirror. OneMoreVol provided evidence of the tape in the form of three completely G-rated screen caps.

Now, LeAnn could’ve said it’s not her in the tape since it’s obviously a skinny Chunks from Goonies and we would’ve believed her. But no. LeAnn admitted it’s her in the tape, but went on to protest the existence of a sex tape.

@KarlaHoffman @asu_juliette since when is changing in front of a mirror in a thong a “sex tape?” the fact that someone has STOLEN a tape of private moments of when I was 18 and is trying to profit off of it is sick and the fact that the media is trying to make more of it than it is, a few private moments of me changing and joking around is misleading and wrong. Once again, I have never filmed myself having sex period. All I know is you see more of me on a beach in a bikini. Moving on, so should everyone else!

I believe LeAnn. Mostly because I believe she didn’t start having actual sex until she lost her wedding band in Eddie Cibrian’s b-hole while getting wild in her trailer. As soon as LeAnn jumped on that dick, sanity and her appetite both took a backseat, because she was too busy getting hers. Up until then, her idea of a funky good time was trying on clothes with her gay husband Dean while they talked like Muppet Babies to each other. So yeah, this is about as sexy as Dean and LeAnn got.

And here’s the jerky-fied Falcor and Eddie Cibrian at LAX yesterday.