GOOPY Hates Fat People

June 14, 2011 / Posted by:

The only fat Fishsticks Paltrow approves of is the duck kind she uses to roast pink dolphin bone marrow and penguin meat for a dinner party with her close friends Jessica and Jerome Seinfeld, so one would expect her to raise her nose and get the gross shivers over a friend’s fat stomach. Jenny Craig spokesperson Ross Matthews dropped 40 pounds of chunk in just a few months and says that the push to lose weight came from the cuntified words that jumped off the board of judgement in Fishy’s mouth.

During a taping of Chelsea Lately last November, Fishy patted Ross on the stomach and said, “What’s going on here? I love you. Get it together.” If it was me, I’d pat that bitch on her mouth lips and tell her, “What’s going on here? I hate you. Seal them together.” But Ross, who is friends with Fishy, took her words to heart and started on the road to skinny with Jenny Craig’s help. My eye balls rolled so many times that I think I have a six pack on my eye muscles now.

Ross tells People that he now exercises more and knows how to eat healthy. And Ross went on to say how Fishy responded to his new body, “I saw her when she was promoting her cookbook recently. She was so excited. She said, ‘You look good!’ The weight was such a shameful issue for me. I’m so happy to be rid of it.”

Does Ross realize what he just did?! Those 40lbs Ross lost went straight to Fishy’s obese ego. You know what they say: “A moment on GOOP, a lifetime on Fishy’s ego*.” But it’s easy for her to judge. If all of us did a panda piss cleanse and a verbal colonic every other day, we too would have the body of a whale’s skinny dick.

* Like the temple to GOOP Fishy is building on the shores of the Hamptons, that saying is a work in progress.

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