Weston Cage Did Not Issue A Beat Down On His Personal Trainer

Remember when Nicolas Cage’s son Weston was put in the crazy house last week after he reportedly roundhouse kicked his trainer for not letting him order what he wanted at a restaurant? Well, that’s not exactly what happened. TMZ is now saying that it wasn’t Weston’s trainer who felt his Hot Topic wrath. It was his babysitter.

Kevin Villegas was Nicolas Cage’s assistant for 5 years before he was put on Weston Cage duty. Kevin, who has a military background, was sent to find Weston after he went missing last week. When Kevin found and tried to bring the goth Chyna in, he found himself with a face full of piping hot eyeliner fumes wafting off of Weston’s angry face. Weston threatened to rip Kevin’s “Christian fucking head” off before attacking him with a roundhouse kick. Hell hath no fury like a Khloe Kage scorned!

Weston is a highly-trained fighter (meaning he unlocked every character in UFC: Undisputed for Xbox 360), so Kevin was afraid for his life and immediately called the police. While waiting for the cops to arrive, Kevin managed to fist pump Weston in the face a few times. The cops eventually put Weston in the hospital for a mental evaluation. Sources say that Weston might press charges against Kevin.

I do love that Nicolas Cage’s idea of parenting is to get one of his goons to beat the baby powder right off of his son’s face. And I don’t blame Kevin for crying for Jesus, because one should never underestimate a gigantic child who looks like Emily the Strange on bootleg growth hormones. But if Kevin really wanted to get Weston off his ass, he should’ve just pointed at a Sally Beauty Supply right before shouting, “They’re having a sale on Manic Panic nail polish!”