Tracy Morgan’s Apology Tour Rolls On

June 13, 2011 / Posted by:

On Friday, GLAAD told Tracy Morgan the same thing my 1st grade classmate told me after I apologized to him for accidentally going diarrhea on his paper folder (true long story): “I do not accept your apology.” So Tracy Morgan has taken his apology tour to Global Grind and told Russell Simmons that he wants to reach out to the gay and lesbian community and make this right. Tracy claims that fear of getting kicked to the curb by the NBC peacock has nothing to do with why he’s trying to bear hug the rainbow flag right now. Tracy also said that if his son told him he was gay, he wouldn’t cover his body with stab wounds, he’d cover it with hugs. How to lay it on thick: Tracy is doing it right.

“I guess the reason I am successful is because I am so unfiltered. And sometimes as a result I say really stupid shit. The truth is if I had a gay son, I would love him just as much as if he was straight … I might have to try to love even more because I know of the difficulty that he would have in society.

Of all the sicknesses, there is probably none more abusive than homophobia. My heart is committed to giving everyone the same rights that I deserve for myself. I don’t care if you love the same sex as long as you have the ability to love someone. Also, you should have the right no matter who you are to protect and serve our country. I am deeply sorry for the comments I made. What I am most sad about is the comments I made about kids and bullying. I would never want any young person to think that I wasn’t on their side and if any young person thinks they can bully a young gay kid, come see me at 30 Rock. On the corner, I would be happy to meet you. Or Brooklyn if you can’t make it into Manhattan.

When all of this set in, I realized how hurtful my words were. Not asking anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me, but I definitely don’t want or need people to defend me. In my heart, I know that the words I used are indefensible. I appreciate the love from my friends and fans, but I was wrong. Period. Now, I just gotta think of some funny shit, not some shit that gets me knocked upside my head.”

Tracy also said that he wants to meet with bullied gays and speak at a gay marriage rally. Really. This is like if I became treasurer of The Katherine Heigl fan club and applied to the outdoor pizza oven cleaner at GOOP’s home offices. Tracy is spinning his head so fast the other way that he can put Willow Smith out of business. Now, I don’t necessarily believes the people who are saying that Tracy spoke from his heart the first time and is now speaking from his publicist. But I do believe ho needs to calm down with all the apologies and check into rehab for whatever like a normal celebrity does!

And to my former 1st grade classmate, I really am sorry for stamping your paper folder with a D (for diarrhea) minus. I have since learned that gambling is not for me and I have not done this again…in the past 72 hours.

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