Poisoned Or Pregnant?

June 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber’s playground coochie bumpin’ partner Selena Gomez was taken to the hospital last night after her head started to ache in a bad way and she experienced the kind of nausea you feel when you translate the words “playground coochie bumpin” into a visual.

TMZ reports that after she sat across from Jay Leno on The Tonight Show, Selena was overcome with the sicks and needed medical attention. Selena is still in the hospital today to undergo tests. Her show at an outdoor mall in Santa Monica tonight has been canceled. Selena’s rep isn’t saying what put her on the hospital bed.

If I was Selena Gomez’s doctor, I’d ask her three things:

1. Why are you messing around with the baby Marcy D’Arcy?

2. Did she happen to see a deranged toddler in a Justin Bieber onesie crawl out of her dressing room at the Tonight Show with an empty jar of poison in its tiny hand?

3. Is she allergic to any farm animals? Because if she’s knocked up, I’ll have to prescribe an antihistamine so she isn’t snotting all over the place when she births out the second coming of Bieber in the manger.

Oh, and she should probably wear a gas mask during delivery, because Usher is going to show up in a cloud of smoke at some point to collect Justin Bieber’s first born. A contract is a contract!

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