And The Bride Wore 7,000 Piercings

June 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Yesterday in Edinburgh, former Hot Slut and the woman who makes Staysha Randall look like a piercing gun newbie married a completely vanilla man whose idea of a wild time is probably not folding his white boxer shorts before he does missionary sex under the covers with the lights on. Actually, I shouldn’t judge a bald bland man by his cover, because he could be wearing a nipple to penis chain underneath that sensible suit.

The Telegraph is happy to report that 46-year-old Brazilian piercing goddess Elaine Davidson married civil servant worker Douglas Watson in an intimate ceremony in Edinburgh where they live together. Douglas told reporters outside of the Register’s Office that he didn’t fall in love with Elaine because she looks like the love child of Princess Fiona Shrek and a magnet, he loves her for the beauty she is inside. Douglas said, “We met in a coffee shop in Glasgow 15 years ago and got chatting. We connected straight away and have been together ever since. I am always amazed by the effect her piercings have on people. She’s an incredible woman. People think its unconventional but that is the woman she is and people love her for it.”

Elaine, who owns an aromatherapy shop in town, has nearly 7,000 piercings including with 192 in her face alone and 1,500 that are “internal.” Elaine painted herself green for the occasion.

Douglas’ family said that as a child they always caught him sticking his dick in a jar of bolts so they aren’t surprised by this pairing (they didn’t say that). You know, nothing makes the dead veins in my heart twitch like the love between an odd couple. Here’s hoping that they will be very happy together and here’s hoping that they got gallons of rust stop lube as wedding presents or poor Doug is going to need a tetanus shot in his dick every week.

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