Pull your black lace veils over your face and light an all saints candle from the corner bodega, because the world has lost another white hot rich bitch who was NEVER THE ONE. Trouble, the right hand bitch of Leona Helmsley who inherited $12 million after her mistress died, was carried up to heaven by maid angels last December and we’re just hearing about it now. Tell the former members of C + C Music Factory to clock out of their jobs at Arby’s, because this is some shit that really makes you go hmmmmm. Let’s go over the facts of this future Dateline NBC investigation.
– When Leona Helmsley, a maid’s worst nightmare before Dominique Strauss-Kahn came along, went off to the other side, she left $12 million to her dog Trouble and $5 million each to two of her four grandchildren. The other grandchildren got a handful of nothing for reasons they were aware of.
– One of Leona’s maids publicly said that she was pissed Trouble got that much money since the white bitch bit her years ago and she didn’t get a cent.
– Trouble had to flee her mansion and go into hiding after she received dozens of death threats from evil cunts who threatened to kidnap and brutally murder her for the $12 million.
– Leona’s grandchildren filed papers claiming that her crazy gene caused her to leave $12 million to Trouble. Leona’s estate and her grandchildren came to an agreement and $10 million of Trouble’s money was donated to charity. Trouble’s caretaker said that her annual expenses were only $190,000 so he figured $2 million should be enough for her to live in luxury the rest of her life.
– Trouble died less than 2 years later at the age of 12 from “natural causes.”
It doesn’t take a Clue champion to figure out what’s going on here. Something in Trouble’s milk was rat poison! If karma truly is the bitch it claims to be, then Trouble will be reincarnated as a gold digger who will marry one of Leona’s grandchildren just so she can divorce them and take their fortune. Trouble always gets the last bite.
Goodnight, my sweet bitchy princess. Til we meet again!