Cheryl Cole Is Officially Out Of A Job

June 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Cheryl Cole was in, then she was out, then she was in and now she’s officially out of X-Factor USA. All this talk of Cheryl Cole being in and out is forcing images of her licking animal sauce on a Double Double into my head and I do not appreciate it. But thankfully, our national predicament that you gave zero fucks about is over!!!!

Fox released a statement to TVLine today confirming that Cheryl Cole’s American dreams have been crushed by Simon Cowell’s titty and the swap meet Apollonia is taking her place at the judge’s table.

“Nicole Scherzinger will be replacing Cheryl Cole on the judging panel of The X Factor. Nicole will join Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid and Paula Abdul on their search across America to find the next global superstar or group to win the life-changing $5 million dollar recording deal. Nicole has previously joined Simon Cowell as a guest judge on The X Factor for the UK version of the show in 2010. Steve Jones will act as sole host of The X Factor.”

Now that the fate of Cheryl Cole has been sealed for good, we can go back to focusing on more important news stories that are relevant to all of our interests. Like the mystery of twin babies sneezing at the same time:

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