After being pregnant for what seemed like centuries, Pink’s chocha finally exhaled a baby girl in Los Angeles last night. Just picture Pink’s pregnant ass twirling above on a ribbon trapeze and birthing her newborn daughter into a water cannon below, which shot her baby straight into her arms as harlequin clowns on neon ladders threw confetti around them. That’s pretty much how things went down. Once Pink changed out of her skin tight birthing suit, she and Carey Hart shared the good news with their Twitter followers. Sadly, she didn’t name her baby after a whiskey brand like she said she would. Instead she named her baby after a Smith. LIAR.
“We are ecstatic to welcome our new beautiful healthy happy baby girl, Willow Sage Hart. She’s gorgeous, just like her daddy. #beyondblessed”
Willow Sage sounds like so many things to me. It sounds like the AOL screen name of a goth teen circa 1995 who thinks she’s impressing all her friends by announcing she’s a Wiccan now. It also sounds like the name of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer room spray sold exclusively at select Hot Topic stores. It also might be the name of a poultry rub I bought at Whole Foods a few weeks ago. I could go on and on and on, but I’ll just say that Willow was never my favorite Willow character and sage is definitely not my favorite spice. Pink should’ve gone with something like Queen Bavmorda Cumin. Now, that is a name.