Oh Here Go Hell Come

Ben Affleck had a smile on his face and a BOOM on his eye when he was photographed leaving a block party for the rich with his wife Jennifer Garner and daughter yesterday afternoon in Brentwood. Those of us who are slaves to scandal have already come up with an elaborate explanation for Ben’s black eye involving Not Blake Lively’s nude pictures and Sydney Bristow’s fist. But no, that’s not what happened. There’s a million explanations for Ben’s black eye.

Ben could’ve been fapping in an extremely tight space and over lubrication caused his hand to slip off his peen and slap right into his eye. It happens. Ben could’ve been taking his own nekkid photos in the bathroom and just as he was arching his back to achieve that ultra sexy pose, his foot slipped on a shower puddle and his eye went into the faucet. It happens. Ben could’ve also caught Gigli on cable and his natural instinct took over when he punched himself in the face. More than likely.

But what I think what really happened is that Ben ran into Blake Lively’s publicist at the block party and during their conversation she let him know that he had a little potato salad on his cheek. That’s when she rubbed charcoal dust under his eye so everyone could bring up Blake Lively’s name in a post that has nothing to do with Blake Lively. Damn, she’s good.

Yup! That’s the non-elaborate explanation for Ben Affleck’s not black eye!