Proud man slut and overall spaz ball Robbie Williams had a talk with Esquire UK and mouth farted about everything from dudes have a “Built to Fuck” label tattooed on the inside of their dicks and how he regularly gets injects himself with Khloe Kardashian serum due to the lack of testosterone in his body.
Robbie’s interviews are always a mess and this one’s no exception. It’s like he’s on the verge of jizzing, but the interviewer is pinching his peen hole so he’s trying to get his thoughts out as quickly as possible. Anybody who has gotten an important phone call in the middle of jacking off knows what I’m talking about.
Here’s what Robbie had to say about all sorts of shit. The quotes will fly by if you picture the interviewer’s pinky in Robbie’s peen hole.
On how he traded in human growth hormones injections for some MAN JUICE and it’s helping his chronic lethargy: “To cut a long story short I went to get some HGH. It’s what all the old fellas are on out there in LA that’s making them look 40 instead of 60. It’s improving their health, their memory, their hair, skin. Could give you cancer. I weighed that up. Thought I’d have it anyway. Went to see a Hollywood doctor. Had my blood tests. Went back. He said, ‘You don’t need HGH. You’ve got the testosterone of a 100-year-old man.’ And then everything made sense. It was kind of an epiphany that day.”
On how monogamy doesn’t make sense: “The rules aren’t set up right. Because people are fucking outside of their marriages, outside of their relationships. People get caught out every single week in the newspapers. What does that mean? I think that means we’re built to fuck. And marriage, that whole institution, is made-up bull. I am pleased there is a media waiting for me to fuck up because it keeps me on the straight and narrow. But if it wasn’t for jealousy and social constraints, I think the rules would be different.”
On if he cheats on his wife: “Actually, no, because I don’t want to break Ayda’s heart. That’s the last thing I want to do. I met Ayda, I fell in love, that’s what happened. But I would be way more tempted because at the end of the day I am a man, with the stuff that makes you a man – go forth and multiply. And multiply with absolutely everyone.”
On how he regularly takes long walks and watches old movies with Granny Smith Apples: “I feel more emotionally connected to this apple than I do to a person I’ve just slept with. Women reading that will think that’s awful. But that’s what men are made of.”
On if he wants kids: “I get a lot of time off and I love fannying about. Play Football Manager, write songs, look on the internet for conspiracy theories, hang out, live in the sun. It’s a wonderful life of getting up when I want, going to sleep when I want. A kid will fuck that up.”
What I’m getting from this interview is that I should I pour testosterone cream into my morning coffee instead of illegal meth. I’m also getting that you should never try the apple cobbler at Robbie’s house, because I’m pretty sure he’s cheating on his wife with a Honeycrisp.
via The Sun