The Relationship We Thought Wouldn't Last Didn't Last
I knew this day would come someday, but I thought it would be in a few months from now when grainy cell phones pictures of Sean Penn doing a line of the bad shit off of a relief worker's thigh in a tent in Haiti would show up on the front page of The News of the World. But nope, today is the day that ScarJo woke up and realized that she was done humping on a water damaged leather duffel bag filled with douche water. Yup, she's done enough leather bag humping to last her a few lifetimes. The details from People:
Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn are no longer dating, a source tells PEOPLE.Speculation about the pair began after Johansson did not attend the Cannes Film Festival with Penn for his movie The Tree of Life. She has been working on The Avengers in New Mexico, reprising her role of Black Widow from Iron Man 2.
Johansson, 26, and Penn, 50, made headlines when they took a whirlwind trip to Cabo San Lucas after being spotted getting flirty together during a lunch date in Los Angeles.
Spokeswhores for both ScarJo and Sean Penn kept their lips shut about this.
Weren't there a few blind items that insinuated that ScarJo had a case of the BABIES??!!! Either the impossible has happened and a blind item is not true, or ScarJo's going to pull a January Jones. Maybe she'll run back to Ryan Reynolds and tell him that the baby is his. Everything will be candy coated rainbows until ScarJo gives birth to a baby with a German Shepherd face and a hankering for tying hos to chairs. Ryan's eyes will widen, ScarJo will scream and the baby will beat all of them with a bat. If life was Telemundo, that's what would happen.
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Submitted by piedlourde on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 1:55am.
Aww, sadness. I thought these two would be together 'til his death did them part.
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In other words, you'd hoped he be dead soon?
She is the Meg Ryan, Sean the Russell Crowe, and Ryan Reynolds is Dennis Quaid - she's such a dumbass.
Tex Perkins.
Google him you dumb fuck!
I am licking the sweat off of Ryan Reynold's perfectly formed pecks as he's reading this...
So what happened, he ran out of Viagra?
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
Despite being "hot" she has just become a nuisance!
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/interviews/bleeding-gracefully-the-ca...
SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE!
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Submitted by El Bastardo on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:40am.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:12am.
PINK HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO A DAUGHTER, WILLOW SAGE!!! CONGRATS!
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!
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Agreed. Who cares?
but...i thought this was TRUE LOVE!!!!
i hope ryan reynolds is flexing that hot body as he laughs at this...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
I can't comprehend how or why anyone would dump Ryan Reynolds...He is drop dead beautiful...
"Boom, I mean, Jay, was like, I dunno, a brother or something..."
Aww, I like how Ryan Reynolds gets to laff at this ho. But everytime I think of him, I think of how much cuter he was with his previous teeth alignment.
Shannon Doherty? Someone fapt to Shannon freakin Doherty? That lop-sided face chicklet? I don't think I could date her... I wouldn't be able to withstand the urge to grab her face and try to push everything back where it goes. Then I go downtown on a 243.
Just remember what I always say, "You cannot unfap that which has been fapt."
Or unschlick that which has been schlicked, for all da ladies. You know who you are. <_<
Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:12am.
PINK HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO A DAUGHTER, WILLOW SAGE!!! CONGRATS!
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!
PINK HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO A DAUGHTER, WILLOW SAGE!!! CONGRATS!
Aww, sadness. I thought these two would be together 'til his death did them part.
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"If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome!" — Professor Farnsworth
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 1:23am.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:53am.
Hi johnnysgirl! I'm living in Central European Timezone, so over here in The Netherlands it's almost 09.00 am. After reading you the other day - you were telling someone about how life is sometimes challenging for you - I thought about putting my two cents in, but I didn't want to impose. Just trust me when I say that you are not alone in this. In my experience, the only way to pull through trying times is by staying true to yourself and by approaching things from a different angle. I found out that I really was my own worst enemy, always second guessing, critisizing and analyzing myself and my motives for doing things. Once I stopped doing that and started trusting my insticts - which are usually quite accurate, as it turns out - I started growing into my own skin. At 24 I was I was always in a state of "To be or not to be", now, at 43 not even a herd of stampeding elephants can knock me of my feet. Careerwise some people may consider my a failure, but my priorities lay elsewhere. It took years for me to admit to that fact alone, but once I did, it felt great. IMO, in the end, all that counts is whether or not you are a decent human being. And my guess is that you are.
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Awwww, thanks Mickey :D I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you - and a few others here on the D - share with me your experiences with/approaches to this same life shit. It really *does* make such a difference to have someone say "you're not alone." And it gives me confidence to move forward. You and Angel_i_ basically said the same thing - that the best way out of a tricky time is by staying true to yourself and trusting your gut. The second-guessing and self-criticizing is a mental habit I'll need help breaking (just today I re-started cognitive therapy)> I've found out that we aren't all born with an innate idea of what we should do with our lives, that some folks take a long time to find that out, and that that is ok :D
But whatever it is I decide to do with myself, I am committed to finding something that feeds - rather than eats - my soul.
Again, I just have to say THANK YOU to DListed, and thank you to all you nice peeps :D Y'all rock :D
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
Please post photos verifying Sean's rumored horse-meat!
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:53am.
Hi johnnysgirl! I'm living in Central European Timezone, so over here in The Netherlands it's almost 09.00 am. After reading you the other day - you were telling someone about how life is sometimes challenging for you - I thought about putting my two cents in, but I didn't want to impose. Just trust me when I say that you are not alone in this. In my experience, the only way to pull through trying times is by staying true to yourself and by approaching things from a different angle. I found out that I really was my own worst enemy, always second guessing, critisizing and analyzing myself and my motives for doing things. Once I stopped doing that and started trusting my insticts - which are usually quite accurate, as it turns out - I started growing into my own skin. At 24 I was I was always in a state of "To be or not to be", now, at 43 not even a herd of stampeding elephants can knock me of my feet. Careerwise some people may consider my a failure, but my priorities lay elsewhere. It took years for me to admit to that fact alone, but once I did, it felt great. IMO, in the end, all that counts is whether or not you are a decent human being. And my guess is that you are.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
*shooting one of those cheesy Charmed zappy ray thingies at alla yahs*
*going back to listening to The Darkness*
......
Come on LeBron, put your Mavericks jersey on
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:48am.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:41am.
I'm impressed by the fact that you include dialogue in your fapping experience at all. I always thought that men had no detectable brain activity during the act.
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ROFL picturing Rusty's "dialogue" -
Alyssa Milano: "Oh Rusty, you're so handsome, sexy and HUGE, I don't think I'm woman enough for you".
Rusty Hooligan: "Don't worry baby, just cast a spell to make your cooch bigger".
and SCENE!
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
I love the doorman half-sleeping standing up in this photo. That about says it all. "NEXT!"
_ _my lame siggie_ _
OMG! My funky old website is still on Waybackmachine.org:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030410133101/http://darkseraphim.com/ds/dar...
Download my 3 free fonts:
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Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:48am.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:41am.
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Hey Mickey! You always show up when I am too drunk and/or tired to chat. Which time zone do you inhabit?
@RustyHooligan - *spits drink* I thought you were a gal!
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:40am.
Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:29am.
Glad to hear you made it back to your old stomping grounds! Monday was insanely hot - I was at a neighbors and had to come home because the humidity was too much. I heard it's supposed to be about 90 degrees here tomorrow. I love Chicago but the weather is a bitch - going from winter straight into summer is too much of a shock to the system. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I went from running the heat at my house to switching over to the air conditioning in one 36 hour period. No wonder everyone here sounds like they have walking pneumonia.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
xoxoxoxo
we took sheridan down to lsd to downtown. this was my lonely '93 drive to the ghey bars back in the day. it was so funny to see all the hot, shirtless people playing beachsports by the frigid lake. what an awesome, friendly city. makes for good people.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:41am.
I'm impressed by the fact that you include dialogue in your fapping experience at all. I always thought that men had no detectable brain activity during the act.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:22am.
Hmmm, not sure which is worse - fapping to Charmed (with the sound on OR off), or just watching Charmed with no sound. LOL
With the sound off, you get to create your own plot and dialogue. OK, it's just that I like Alyssa Milano and Shannen Doherty but not the other ugly ones.
......
Come on LeBron, put your Mavericks jersey on
Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:29am.
Glad to hear you made it back to your old stomping grounds! Monday was insanely hot - I was at a neighbors and had to come home because the humidity was too much. I heard it's supposed to be about 90 degrees here tomorrow. I love Chicago but the weather is a bitch - going from winter straight into summer is too much of a shock to the system. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I went from running the heat at my house to switching over to the air conditioning in one 36 hour period. No wonder everyone here sounds like they have walking pneumonia.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
mcnightmare on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:16am.
Oh GTFO. I can 'pass' sure as shittin' but I ain't all white, homey.
Here:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/unmarry.htm
http://americanpowerblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/culture-of-black-out-of-we...
http://www.jonentine.com/reviews/elsevier.htm
Need more? I got time, you crazy cutie pie.
_ _my lame siggie_ _
OMG! My funky old website is still on Waybackmachine.org:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030410133101/http://darkseraphim.com/ds/dar...
Download my 3 free fonts:
http://www.dafont.com/ang.d1481
Finally, a smart move by ScarJo. That should save her a few trips to the emergency room.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
CSG...Hey! Spent the weekend in Winnetka with an old friend. The lightning storm on Sunday was really fucked up. Evanston on Monday was sweet, but way too hot (18 years gone--looked the same). XO
Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:15am.
Fuck him and his hair
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OMG - thank you for my new siggie!
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:48pm.
I used to watch reruns of Charmed with the sound off (no fapping, I swear) just cuz there was no reason to watch it with the sound on.
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*side-eyes Rusty*
Hmmm, not sure which is worse - fapping to Charmed (with the sound on OR off), or just watching Charmed with no sound. LOL
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Things were so much simpler when I was a kid. You had to work to see a weenus, too, they weren't just parked on the lawn like a plastic flamingo for anybody walking by to get an eyeful. agirl, 5/14/2011
Submitted by Fraggle on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:18pm.
Actually, minorities have the most out-of-wedlock birth rates (and that's even with Margaret Sanger's abortion clinics around every poor neighborhood corner).
White and Asian people just don't fuck as much (lower testosterone).
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ahh Fraggle, getting acquainted with your many personalities is truly fascinating.
from which version of yourself did you dredge this pseudoscience? because there isn't a shred of truth in what you say, only the lame white supremacist theories people have been recreating with minor variations since the beginnings of colonialism and slavery.
i know this must have come from that personality, barely under wraps at any given moment, that craves conflict as a means of commanding attention, and as a reason to be virtuous in victimhood.
let me give you a hint though, as a friend - don't use pseudoscience to make a point, it is too easy to prove you wrong, and therefore make it inevitable that you look more like a fool than a victim. pick theories that can't be picked apart by a second-grader. then you can have your cake and eat it , too.
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"yes, bitch - it IS caused by global warming."
Charlie Sheen (please don't fire) said he was going to Haiti with Penn for humanitarian relief weeks ago...before his useless/selfish/failed/masturbatory/stripper "comedy" tour happened.
Empty promises from an addict are one thing, but please consider the money that could've made a difference in the lives of suffering people. Even a blow-off check from a publicist would nourish or help desperate people.
Clearly, he has no accountability or conscience. It's just that much more unconscionable how quickly it's all forgotten.
It just makes me hate him even more. Fuck him and his hair.
Apologies for the rant.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:06am.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:56pm.
You are one of the millions who have suffered.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:56pm.
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I made it to about 9 seconds and I had to turn it off ! That's not how I want to remember him (?!!?). I know I will go back and watch it...and silently curse you for ruining my fantasy (not really !)
Submitted by Fraggle on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:59pm.
You pique my interest! I will totally watch it!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:49pm.
Julian McMahon !! I only know him as Dr.Christian Troy (the middle aged yet HOT lethario) from Nip/Tuck.
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Julian McMahon in his earlier role as Dannii Minogue's husband.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26e-ptrht-U
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
@TimC. . .She's gonna fap to Piper on top of a motorcycle, right after she finished chasing a demon down.
Submitted by TimC on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:38pm.
Actually there was a hot demon on there for a while who was dating the middle sister, before he got middled aged and went on to Nip and Tuck.
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Julian McMahon !! I only know him as Dr.Christian Troy (the middle aged yet HOT lethario) from Nip/Tuck.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:40pm.
you know it's the middle of the night when people are comparing the spank-bank/fapping qualities of the three chicks who starred in "Charmed".
I used to watch reruns of Charmed with the sound off (no fapping, I swear) just cuz there was no reason to watch it with the sound on.
Submitted by NDNchief on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:35pm.
*fapping at spank bank memory of Piper from Charmed*
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Your timing was perfect! I think Willow Sage is now destined to become a lesbian Piper fapper and demon slayer. I guess it's not so bad. Being born to Pink, she is gonna be one kind of freak or another.
Her suction-cup bagina is already scaling the exposed brick walls of downtown Deniro. I like a talented, pretty woman on the make. Good for her! Whatever...
Ahahahahaha, you know it's the middle of the night when people are comparing the spank-bank/fapping qualities of the three chicks who starred in "Charmed".
This is why I love dlisted.
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Things were so much simpler when I was a kid. You had to work to see a weenus, too, they weren't just parked on the lawn like a plastic flamingo for anybody walking by to get an eyeful. agirl, 5/14/2011
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:20pm.
I never watched those shows (but had boyfriends who jerked off to the Shannen Doherty/Rose McGowan characters) and your post is spot on !
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I never could bear 2 minutes of Buffy. But Charmed is as hypnotic as it is predictable and annoying. I never imagined anyone jacking off to those two janky eyed pie faced sluts, but compared to the other two milquetoast witches I guess they looked hot. Actually there was a hot demon on there for a while who was dating the middle sister, before he got middled aged and went on to Nip and Tuck.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
*fapping at spank bank memory of Piper from Charmed*
Submitted by TimC on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 11:09pm.
Willow Sage? That sounds like something from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Charmed (which I only ever see on cable at 7 a.m. when staying in hotels). Bleagh!
Is she supposed to be a demon slayer?
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I never watched those shows (but had boyfriends who jerked off to the Shannen Doherty/Rose McGowan characters) and your post is spot on !
Willow Sage? That sounds like something from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Charmed (which I only ever see on cable at 7 a.m. when staying in hotels). Bleagh!
Is she supposed to be a demon slayer?
I must object to MK's depiction of the spawn of Scarjo and Sean Peen as having the face of a German Shepherd, since it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to produce offspring anywhere NEAR that beautiful.
That is all.
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"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
--"The Little Prince", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
dementa on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:46pm.
Nope, sorries. I mean to watch it. I got that from a spoof video on youtube.
THAT MOVIE is HI-LARIOUS! Girlllll, git it! It stands up to the test of time too. The only thing that annoys me is the reheheheheheallllllly long 'fight' scene in one part, but, hell "fight club" right? Hello?
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moomarse on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:42pm.
I'M THE MEGA FUCKIN BITCH HERE IN MY WORLD! Gotta Problem Wit Dat??? heehee!!!
My off-the-charts whackadoodle hormones beg to diffa wiff you! Jello wrasslin' match for queen bitch? ;)
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catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:51pm.
*steps to the front of the line, salutes*
Dlisted crazy bitch reporting for duty (and damn proud of it). Besides, aren't the crazy fuckin bitches the most fun anyways?
*pins honorary dlisted bitch badge on you*
Oops. Hope my clumsy ass didn't poke anything! If so, you may give me fifty lashes with a limp ad-hominem.
_ _my lame siggie_ _
OMG! My funky old website is still on Waybackmachine.org:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030410133101/http://darkseraphim.com/ds/dar...
Download my 3 free fonts:
http://www.dafont.com/ang.d1481
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
*steps next to catholicschoolgirl and salutes too*
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 10:51pm.
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Holy shit, Private!!! You make me damb *edited = DAMN* proud now!
*wipes tear away*