Kim Zolciak Is Somebody's Mother...Again
One would think that during this crime scene of a photo shoot for Life & Style, Kim Zolciak's unborn baby would've felt the tense foolery in the air and quietly escaped out the back to crawl over to the Duggar's front porch and beg to be taken in. He did not do this. Because CNN (yes, that CNN) brings us the news that yesterday in Atlanta, Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta filled a delivery room with the thick scent of burnt wig glue, charred bronzer, cigarette smoke and salty sweat trickling down Sweetie's forehead as she tried to cover the hospital smoke detectors with wig pieces. Yes, Kim birthed out her third child and her fiance's first.
You better believe that the second that baby's head touched air, Kim was already hooked up to a white wine IV drip and had a lit cigarette hanging out of her mouth. It's called the Zolciak Labor Special. You can request it for your next C-section.
Kim announced the birth of her new son with Kroy Biermann via Twitter and also let everyone know what they wrote on their baby's gift certificate. Beware, it's painful.
@biermann71 and I are happy to announce the birth of our son today Kroy Jagger Biermann is healthy & beautiful We are so in love!
KROY JAGGER?! I don't know if it's cruel or fitting that the name of Kim's son sounds like a $2 drink special at T.G.I. Friday's made of crayfish juice and recycled Jager shots. That poor baby will spend the next few months in a custom-made wiglet and a She by Sheree onesie, and Kim does him another wrong by giving him that name?
If you wrote his name backwards, it sound so much better. York Reggaj! See. That shit sounds like the name of a fancy Dynasty character instead of a cocktail that nobody orders. Poor KJB.
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I just can't stand the name Kroy. Sounds so NOT like a name and just a weird sound (to me). And it does NOT roll off my tongue. My mouth does not want to say the name Kroy.
Jagger is good, though.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Wow - I assumed she was well beyond menopausal age.
Speidi had a baby?
Ugh! Zol-chick is so gross. She's like a bad wart that all the Compound W in the world won't get rid of.
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I AM on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. -- Carlos Estevez
Is that her?! Seriously?? Holy shit I thought it was a "real doll" for a minute there - wow o_O
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YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks
Darn Kim's psychic lady from the show was right...she did have a boy..
"Canta y Encanta a tu Pueblo Tigresa"
Y'know ... there's nothing plastic surgery can do to fix that face. She should freeze herself immediately and wait about 200 yrs to see if technology can come up with something that changes the shape of your head and eye sockets. I want her to go away now. She's scaring kitty.
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
The last I heard about this woman she was dating another woman.
That is some Jenny masking shit!!
CrankensteinThat is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen
JS in Italy, this modern day Pieta...off to the vomitorium.
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GERONIMO!
Every time I look at that photo I start laughing uncontrollably. I can't help it. That head! Hahahahaha
Not fair. This useless woman does nothing and has everything.
She looks like the chick in "Team America World Police."
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Kroy sounds like Godzilla screaming while he stomps on a city....
I am getting a strong Real Doll and Corky-from-Life-Goes-On vibe from this monstrosity.
And Kroy sounds like krill. Or Krull.
Or something. Either way, its a really bad name.
Well, if you hate these types of pics as much as I do, awkwardfamilyphotos.com has tons of them. They're hilarious.
I don't know who this tacky bitch is. But besides the fact that Kroy is a terrible name, there's no "Jr" at the end, so she just Dubya-ed her kid. I hate that. So unnecessarily confusing. Do a junior or make Dad's name the middle name, geez.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
My aunt in her fifties had a series of "sexy" photos taken with her fourth husband. She hung them on her wall and made everybody look at them, including her sons. Ugh.
I'd much rather know how to do hair than have this worthless English degree!!!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:36am.
I don't mean to offend anyone who has done this, but I absolutely fucking HATE these "Look at us, we're having a baby and we're going to now take an art-y picture to show our love" pictures. They're so fucking cheesy.
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There's a photo studio behind this restaurant that my old man and I go to every so often - they have THREE photos like this hanging outside. They are so tacky.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Totally channeling Janice from the muppets in this picture!!!
http://images.wikia.com/muppet/images/5/50/Janice-MuppetsTV.png
So is this the latest exhibit at Madame Tussaud's wax museum, or what?
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:40am.
... but at least they're not "framed" by a giant brandy snifter.
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Oh how I miss those brandy snifter photos with the soft, fuzzy, 80's porno lighting.
Oh shit THAT photo! It's just too damn funny. It should be on that awkward family photo's site.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:40am.
Putting your wedding annoucement in the newspaper is a tradition that goes back hundreds of years. It keeps the people in the community and people who might not have heard about your wedding but know who you are up to date. It's a nice thing to do and meaningful to the families. I would not expect any of you culturally bereft plebians to understand.
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Agreed.
In addition, the paper announcements serve as a handy tool when someone you KNOW got married tried to pick up on you in a bar/club, and you can say "Didn't I see your wedding announcement in the paper recently" *side eye to the scum bag*
ME.TOO.IV. Like I truly want to kill them. If I ever got behind one of them in line I might actually do it.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:08am.
Impressed with the "crayfish" reference but we Southerners know them as crawfish, crawdads or the most correct "mud bug."
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It's crawfish in Louisiana and they are in season right now and delishus!
And I have a cat named MudBug.
And I hope WigWoman and Kroy I and II fall off the face of the earth,
I can't with that name. Kroy.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:05am.
A lot of people still read the newspaper. Of course, I would guess that lately all the newspaper sales are coming from extreme couponers buying multiple papers. Some people just read it online. I get the Sunday paper, but mainly for the ads and crossword and because my mom likes to read it.
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Those extreme couponing people make me homicidal.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
A lot of people still read the newspaper. Of course, I would guess that lately all the newspaper sales are coming from extreme couponers buying multiple papers. Some people just read it online. I get the Sunday paper, but mainly for the ads and crossword and because my mom likes to read it.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
She looks like Alexis Arquette.The Sunday newspaper's bridal announcements make great puppy training pads. I get great satisfaction seeing a doggie sundae on some smiling carefully coiffed ho in an overpriced dress.
This picture looks like some Six Feet Under shit from the first season when they would have those fake commercials.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:40am.
.... does anyone still read the newspapers?
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:36am.
I agree with you 100%. It's so tacky to sit around half naked, clutching your belly and trying to look ethereal.
And who the hell uses a birth announcement to tell people "We are like SO totally in love!"?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I'm not a lawyer, but thanks anyway. I also crack up at the inflated education and job credentials. You do hair and he dropped out of community college. Just tell it like it is lol.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
So they're engaged now?? He must have spam for brains! What is wrong with people? Who says I wanna marry a big plastic whore for whom adultery is not a problem? Oh, and please let her be lazy as fuck, greedy as hell, not much to look at and dumb to boot! Yes, that's the woman for me!
This is why the divorce rate is so damn high! Where's the judgment? This is your life partner!
Love, love LOVE that picture. Between the 14 different skin tones (on her alone), her vapid "sessy" expression and his frankly "what the fuck have I done?" stare at her belly.... Gives me an involuntary giggle every - single - time!!
Good girl Kim - Next step is the klassy "naked with baby" pic. Cannot wait ;-))
Congrats to Kim and Kroy!!
Off topic: Didn't you guys know, Stoney is a CLASSY and CULTURAL lawyer!!
Stoney:
I agree about wedding announcements. I just HATED the ones that went on and on about the couple and every dullard detail about their lives. Just say who's getting married and where and when the reception is! Perfect!
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:40am.
While I admit to being a culturally bereft plebe, I don't mind reading them (along with the obits).
I like how the family or the reporters pump up the couple's credentials, so a commissioned salesman becomes "account manager for an international company" or something. I won't even touch on how they inflate educational credentials. It's also funny how many of the parents are styled "Mrs. Barbara Johnson from Tampa, FL and Mr. Reginald Sweeney from Dennisport, MA."
But, to be really honest, the papers should run brutally frank divorce announcements, too.
seriously. what a stupid looking memaw.
-just an angry guy with a bag of (raul duke's) dicks
Stoney - we did the newspaper wedding and baby announcements.
Not yet, but I'm going to lol.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:40am.
...I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you put your wedding announcement in the paper? :)
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"You sound not naturally beautiful"
Fancy's Big Surprise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3r5BLdqxig
Fancy's Big Surprise Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY4we9Ivg9M
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 8:59am.
That fucking picture.
she looks like a dog who just took a really satisfying shit, and he looks like he's getting ready to jerk off and smell it.
what a couple of jerkoff asshole losers.
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! XD
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"I just remembered--I don't work here!!" ~Casey Anthony
Putting your wedding annoucement in the newspaper is a tradition that goes back hundreds of years. It keeps the people in the community and people who might not have heard about your wedding but know who you are up to date. It's a nice thing to do and meaningful to the families. I would not expect any of you culturally bereft plebians to understand.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:36am.
I don't mean to offend anyone who has done this, but I absolutely fucking HATE these "Look at us, we're having a baby and we're going to now take an art-y picture to show our love" pictures. They're so fucking cheesy.
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Your are 100% correct, but at least they're not "framed" by a giant brandy snifter. Anyone remember "sensitivity cards"?
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
I don't mean to offend anyone who has done this, but I absolutely fucking HATE these "Look at us, we're having a baby and we're going to now take an art-y picture to show our love" pictures. They're so fucking cheesy.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 8:32am.
Slurpee and louise, that's what I was about to say, wasn't ONE KROY enough?!?!?!??!?!
Jack, dude, the father's name is Kroy too
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...and, althought I hate to admit I know this, there is another Kroy on that auto-repo TruTV show. You know, the show with that obese woman with the ten inch nails and teeny ponytails.
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"