Kim Kardashian To Become Kim Humphries

Above is Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian demonstrating the “dick to belly button” pose for their upcoming book Kima Kardashian Sutra. Speaking of wrong things, Kim has kreated khaos in the Kardashian kastle by telling people that she will take Kris Humphries’ last name after she marries him in two months. Kim Kardashian is about to become Kim Humphries, which makes zero sense since Kim never humps for free. (Kim’s ass ate the GONG, so you can’t get me this time.)

A source tells TMZ that Kim is telling everybody she’s going to defy the laws of the Kardashian oath by erasing the Kardashian from her full name. This move will probably melt the Botox in Pimp Mama Kris Kardashian’s face, because she recently said this to Popeater: “I don’t think she should take his name and be Kim Humphries … She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked so hard to get where she is.”

Oh, Mama Kris…. You left out a few words in there. Delusion got your tongue again, so let me help you out. “She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked a hard dick to get where she is.” There, now we’re all making sense.

As for Kim becoming Kim Humphries, it’s not right. All of her attention whoring powers come from that last name. It’s like taking lucite from Shauna Sand. It’s illegal and it’s wrong. Making fun of a painted rubber oven mitt named Kim Humphries is not the same. Why can’t Kris Humphries just make the devil cackle louder by taking her last name? The world is already a terrible place, so we might as well make it even more terrible by adding another Kris Kardashian.