Wednesday, June 1st 2011
Business As Usual
According to Star Magazine and InTouch Weekly, Angelina Jolie is shooting heroin into her giraffe leg arms while Brad Pitt is shooting the shit with Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer is stealing another bitch's man while Brad is stealing Angie's stash and replaces it with protein bars. Throw in a third world orphan, your newly activated Friendster account, me in size 29 jeans and it would be 2006 all over again.
No, no. I don't mean that. Tabloid covers of Brangelina and Aniston scandals are as classic as chin strap dildos and West Hollywood's Rrrrrrosas Lady.
via Cover Awards


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"Granted, she'd look a lot healthier after a burger or twenty, but still nowhere near that cover. Major photoshopping. I mean shit, even the makeup looks different in those pics." -F_C
YES, damn. WTF is going on in Hollyweird, a perfectly normal looking girl moves into town... two years later she looks like she lives in a god damn concentration camp where they are fed nothing but rice cakes and forced to do pilates under heat lamps in a giant hangar all day. Then shoot up smack all night. And bathe in battery acid. I mean... damn, Lindsay Lohan looks like she's 49 years old an' shit.
I think some people like Jennifer would like to find the right person but they are basically so happy in their lives that it becomes just a detail not a huge driving force. And, the older they get the more content they feel. She also does not want anyone telling her what to do or having to make big compromises with her time. JMHO
Angie's ultra thin body will look really bad 45+. Once her face starts to age she will not have her body to save her like Jennifer A. does.
I think jennifer is OVER Brad. It is the media that wants this love triangle Not to mention I think she can do better than Brad.
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Jennifer wouldn't spit on Pitt if he was on fire..
These tabloid "stories" have about as much basis in reality as unicorns and Tom Cruise's marriage to Katie Holmes. So, Jolie is skinny, Aniston is a poor spinster loser (with $100M+) and Pitt is a nice daddy. I think everyone is over this.
On the basis of appearances only, I would say that Anniston is doing a whole lot better than Jolie. While Anniston is living it up, Jolie looks like she's near death's door and has been doing so for quite some time now. Therefore I don't get why everyone is hellbent on portraying Anniston as a moping loser. I don't see her desperately creating photo opportunities with a busload of children in tow, while at the same time trying to be all enigmatic and mysterious. That's enough to drain everyone of life force.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Maddox must be pretty pissed off at Angelina for orchestrating this media onslaught against her!
Or Jennifer made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Maddox, you evil, back-stabbing puppet-master, you!
Everything in the tabloids is true, you know.
*goes to feed Elvis's two-headed love child*
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by mike on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:59pm.
And ladies and gents, if an ex (who initiated the break-up) comes to you looking for a shoulder to cry on, but sure and tell them to fuck off.
Excellent advice.
lmao at this terrible Photoshop and this Jen/Brad/Angie love triangle thing is so fucking stupid.
I initially thought that chin strap dildo was the Witherspoon model, then I noticed the rounded tip.
My mistake.
The arm is the wrong shade and not even placed properly. They've obviously cut the arm from a pic of Ange that's been taken at a distance.
Photoshop fail.
LOL @ friendster
That's the dress from Cannes, right? I thought she looked better than she had in a while, at Cannes. Still bony but her face looked better.
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Submitted by Hotmami on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:57pm.
Someone give STAR magazine the Photoshop award.
LOL. I just was saying the same thing could they make her arms any skinnier....
~ It is only when we have lost everything that we truly know what we are made of... ~
Someone give STAR magazine the Photoshop award.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
I remember seeing that dreadful "The Bone Collector" with my (mostly male) friends when I was a kid and I remember vividly how we all laughed at her inflated lips, odd looks and cringe-worthy acting.
I thought she was really hot in that film; her non-existent acting skills notwithstanding.
I like the logic of the In Touch cover; they're both on the phone so clearly they must be doing it, who else could they be talking to but each other?
stefystef - but, you arent implying that anyone gives a crap about brangelina's acting, are you?
i mean, they only have one name between them, ffs!
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The McCanns Did It
I seriously have this idea that Brad is rebelling against his Missouri upbringing by living this "Eyes Wide Shut" life with Angie, but he will soon tire of it, leave Angie and up and marry some random cashier from Dairy Queen.
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GERONIMO!
mike,
I'm quite certain that if he left her just because he wanted to "be with the guys, didn't want to be married anymore" she would not give him a shoulder to cry on, but I'm sure she can't resist sticking it to Angie if he calls her, of course she will speak to him.
I don't blame her for a minute.
I know she's a millionaire, etc., but to be characterized and stalked like she has been for 8 years as a pathetic spinster, it has to give her a bit of satisfaction if Brad does call her.
The only thing I would say is, if Brad ever left Angie and she took him back, I can't even go there.
I doubt she would, though.
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GERONIMO!
Submitted by Centaurious on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:02pm.
I am so sick of this shit.
They've been divorced, what, 8 years!?
And the tabloids still make Jen out to be the pathetic, pining loser and Angie and Brad to be the golden couple.
For real.
And ladies and gents, if an ex (who initiated the break-up) comes to you looking for a shoulder to cry on, but sure and tell them to fuck off.
I like the tiny "New Fears of..." before "Heroin Relapse." To avoid a claim of libel, all the Star has to have is some drug counselor who's willing to say that, based on her bony frame or something, the counselor fears she's taking heroin (again).
I wouldn't be surprised if Brad regrets not taking Norman in the divorce instead of Angie.
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GERONIMO!
WSubmitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:25pm.
no surprise Ashley is rejected! those guys all think she's a butterface, except maybe THE MASK!!!
I saw a preview for that show and was thinking why the hell did they pick that fugly wanna-be dancer who was dancing around the room in a pair of tube socks like a friggn loser.
Angie Jo must feel the need to look like some of those UN refugees! What a joke to see an UN rep in such a pathetic situation. Bradley need to dump the bitch. Don't know if I'd take all those kids. Perhaps his own but let Angie Jo have the adoptees.
She's just a punk with tattoos. She's fixated upon her looks. What an insecure dolt!
The tabloids love to keep these rumors spinning. It gets all the loons on either side fired up and burning up the gossip sites arguing all night long. It is only putting more money in maniston/brangelina's/gossip rags pockets.
Oprah should've had Pitt and Aniston on her stage together... one last time (just to show the world that they actually dont hate each other). Would've been a rating blitz like no other !
I think it would have shut the tabloids down and hushed all the speculation and gossip , once and for all.
I don't buy 1 because Brad's mom would probably throw a party if Angelina was close to death.
And I don't buy 2 because if they reunited as many times as the tabloids say, they would have qualified for a common-law marriage.
It must be a slow news week.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
@ jazzfish...brangieloonies are all frothing and fanning themselves on celebitchy. A bunch of excitable cat ladies who shriek about how the tabs keep making up drama! Seriously those crazy cunts .make the just jared posters look balanced
Submitted by NDNchief on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:25pm.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by kieranx on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:21pm.
Size 29 my twat. Dream on.
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Don't get all jelly(love that word). I, too sigh and reminisce at when I fit into a size 29.
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I do, too. In fact, I had a pair of my size 29 GAP jeans from college (which I hung onto far too long) framed with a sign on the bottom that says "In Case of Miracle, Break Glass."
You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!
I am so sick of this shit.
They've been divorced, what, 8 years!?
And the tabloids still make Jen out to be the pathetic, pining loser and Angie and Brad to be the golden couple.
I know it goes with the territory of being famous, but for Krissake, give Jen a break.
Like she's the first woman whose husband left her for another woman?
I think she got the good deal, personally.
I realize if I wrote this on Just Jared I'd probably be arrested.
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GERONIMO!
Also, what is that about the Twilight young'uns?
@Whamo and Rocket:
Hell ya, I mean it!!!
Let me make my point very clearly.
Jennifer Aniston's publicists or her "people" or Courtney Cox or David Arquette or WHOEVER is calling these tabloids with stories of Brad Pitt still pinning for her after all there years and when he's in trouble, he calls Jennifer. Like he ain't got friends and family to turn to????
Instead of talking about Jennifer's movies or her acting skills or anything, it is always about who Jennifer is or is NOT fucking. After all these years, being attached to Brad Pitt still pays off for her. The tabloids can make it up, but then they'd get sued. They have inside people and pay for inside information. How do you think TMZ gets all the good shit???? Harvey Levin PAYS THE BIG BUCKS!!! *LOL*
Jennifer is the tabloid Golden Girl and Angelina is the Nasty, Man-stealing Ho! "Good" vs "Evil". Folks eat that shit up. And then get diarrhea.
So yes, I am serious. Business As Usual is getting real boring...
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
How many times have Brad and Jen reunited now? 15?
Only 23 posts?? Where are the Jen Hens?? Where are the Brangeloonies?? Have they finally been classified as boring??
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:30pm.
*sung to Hey There Georgie Girl*
Cunty McCunty from Cunstville,Cuntonia
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I'm so stealing this.
"Where are you from?"
"Cuntsville. It's in Cuntonia."
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"What doesn't kill you makes you want to shank a ho!" - Hotmami
Really, would Jennifer even accept a call from Brad? Why? Like most people, she would probably let that shit go to voicemail and screen it later.
And actually, Angelina looked better at Cannes than she has in a hot minute.
These magazines make the Enquirer look like the NY Times.
LOL at the photoshop on angie!!! (not far from what she actually looks like...)
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
By the by, here's Angie in that dress:
http://gofugyourself.com/fug-or-fab-angelina-jolie-05-2011/the-tree-of-l...
Granted, she'd look a lot healthier after a burger or twenty, but still nowhere near that cover. Major photoshopping. I mean shit, even the makeup looks different in those pics.
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"What doesn't kill you makes you want to shank a ho!" - Hotmami
Of course it's photoshopped but I still LOVE the fact they call her a fucking junkie. I love reading the loons lose there fuckin marbles.
Hey there junkie girl
Walkin down the street like a monkey girl.
*sung to Hey There Georgie Girl*
Cunty McCunty from Cunstville,Cuntonia
This woman has always looked like a frigid, insecure piece of trash to me, and no matter how hard the media and her PR team work, no matter how many Oscars she wins and designer dresses she wears, I still see her the same way.
I remember seeing that dreadful "The Bone Collector" with my (mostly male) friends when I was a kid and I remember vividly how we all laughed at her inflated lips, odd looks and cringe-worthy acting. Fast forward to a couple years, after major dick-sucking and PR work and... TA-DAAA! Bitch is a sex symbol, a tigress, a man-eater.
Now she's reinvented herself as a pure, wholesome mother and humanitarian. It's a smart move. She knows she's getting older and will soon enough be unable to get her usual sex kitten roles in action flicks, so she's trying to change her demographic. Time will tell if this will work, because homegirl sure isn't Meryl Streep in the acting department.
As for the Chinnifer/Spitt thing, please, won't the tabloids just quit? I think not even the most gullible of fools buys that crap.
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"What doesn't kill you makes you want to shank a ho!" - Hotmami
Actually I think it is a dead horse.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:11pm.
A high horse or a horse high, who give's a shit what she's on?
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"if there is one thing I like more than suckin dick, it's whoopin ass" POW! overheard by bambam
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by kieranx on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:21pm.
Size 29 my twat. Dream on.
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Don't get all jelly(love that word). I, too sigh and reminisce at when I fit into a size 29.
I'm over this triangle as well.
no surprise Ashley is rejected! those guys all think she's a butterface, except maybe THE MASK!!!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK