Ashley Olsen & Justin Timberlake Might Be A Thing

When I said a silent prayer asking for two child stars of yore to join together in the name of love (and a blurb in UsWeekly), I was thinking more along the lines of Harriet from Small Wonder and Heather from Mr. Belvedere. But sadly, that’s not what we were given. We were given Justin Timberlake and Ashley Olsen instead. I mean, if you’re going to pair someone from Full House and someone from The Mickey Mouse Club, why couldn’t it have been Kimmy Gibler and T.J.?

Despite the denials from Justin’s rep, a source tells UsWeekly that he’s definitely hooking up with Tangina’s true biological daughter. They apparently spent time together at two Broadway shows, a restaurant and a hotel in NYC. Because Ashley barely broke up with Justin Bartha and Justin Timberlake split from Jessica Biel, the source says they are trying to keep shit on the down low.

This is a pairing as bizarre as cayenne pepper lube. I just cannot picture Ashely Olsen cooing the word “pruuuuuuuune” into Justin’s no-no in the middle of the night. And my thoughts are powered by the top users at Consumption Junction, so I can usually picture some screwed up shit. Justin has to be dating Ashley Olsen as some sort of dare or challenge. Justin wants to make everybody laugh and laughing in a happy tone is against Ashley’s beliefs. This is either going to end with Ashley owning Justin’s soul, or Justin winning the right to cross any bridge at any time.