Snooki Loses Her Drivers License

Looking like if a baby sasquatch ran off in the middle of getting a full body shave, Snooki walked the streets of Florence, Italy with Deena (or maybe that’s my uncle in drag as Toula from My Big Fat Greek Wedding) today, because she’s no longer allowed to drive. After the producers of Jersey Shore promised Snooki a singing pickle vibrator if she crashed into her police escort for ratings, the authorities in Italy revoked her drivers license. There’s no need to stock up on pickles and antibiotics, because they’re not going to deport her back to America yet.

It was first reported there were no injuries, but that’s a lie. That Brother Berenstain Bear looking bitch put two cops in the hospital with minor injuries. UsWeekly says that the cops, who were hired to escort Snooki through Florence, are thinking of pressing charges against her and she faces criminal prosecution if they do. The cops have 90 days to decide what to do. And by that I mean that MTV has 90 days to try to pay them off.

Has anybody started an “Amanda Knox For Snooki” campaign yet, because it needs to happen. But seriously, Italy is almost rid of Snooki and they aren’t going to let anything get in the way of that. That’s why she won’t face charges and she won’t go to jail. Snooki could blind a dozen Italian children with the bones of murdered kittens and the Italian police would still shrug and say, “So your flight’s at 6, right?”

Here’s more of Snooki in and out of a neck brace in Florence today. Aunt Nelda, this bitch ain’t!