The Huffington Post pointed towards an interview between The Telegraph and St. Angie Jolie where she talks about playing Cleopatra (“We are trying to get into a different truth about her as a pharaoh in history and not as a sex symbol, because she really wasn’t.“) and how she loves being a woman and loves that Brad Pitt is a REAL man. The more I read that shit, the more I began to think that somebody must’ve switched the jar of virgin souls Angie nibbles from with a jar of weed smoke, because she sounds like a stoned tween who draws a sparkly heart over the i in “Pitt.” Here’s the two pieces of the interview where Angie sounds like she’s quoting a Bye Bye Birdie song.
“I have an MV Augusta,” she says. “But Brad is the real rider. He’s really good.” She also flies a plane. But that said, “I love being a woman. I love that I can have children. I love feeling soft, I love being with Brad, I love all the sensitivity and natural emotion.”
“I am very lucky with Brad,” she goes on. “He is a real gentleman, but he is also a real man’s man. He’s got the wonderful balance of being an extraordinary, great, loving father, a very, very intelligent man and physically he’s a real man,” she says, blushing slightly, “in all things that it means.”
And then Angie clutched the edges of her pink angora cardigan, fell back on her canopy bed and rolled around before jumping up and jazz walking stage left. Reading that quote is the equivalent of dipping my opened eyes in a bowl of melted, cold cheese. What does she even mean by “in all things that it means”? Does she mean a dick, because most men have dicks. That’s how it works, usually.
I was all ready to pull a Brangeloonie move by asking The Telegraph for the receipts, but then I read a comment at HuffPo that explained everything: “ANGELINA DID NOT SPEAK TO THAT TELEGRAPH SHITRAG ‘WRITER’, BTW. THAT LAZY, PLAGIARIST, WILL LAWRENCE, MERELY SCRAPED SOME SHITRAG FICTION AND OTHER SOURCES TO SCROUNGE TOGETHER THAT LYING PIECE OF EXCUSE FOR AN ARTICLE. FANS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IDENTIFY WHOLE SWATHS OF PASSAGES LIFTED BY THAT WORTHLESS HACK LAWRENCE.
Yeah, what Maddox, I mean, what that commenter said!