First Mistake: They Let Snooki Drive

May 30, 2011 / Posted by:

Snooki, the mutant dingle that escaped from the armpit of America, did exactly what you think she would do if she got behind the wheel of an actual car (not a Big Wheel) in Florence, Italy: the bitch crashed into a police escort. That visual made me visualize the time Vinny’s watermelon (with extra seeds) dick crashed into Snooki’s Ewok snatch. In both instances, somebody should’ve been arrested, but in both instances NOBODY was arrested.

The cops in Italy should’ve come up with a law on the spot! They should’ve declared that any shaved Wookie from New York who crashes into a police car while shooting a reality show must immediately be escorted to Rome by soldiers and thrown into a coliseum full of hongray lions who have been taunted by Chilean bears their whole lives and are out for revenge!!!! But the cops didn’t think of that.

TMZ says that cops questioned both Snooki and Deena, who is giving me Mayim Bialik in Beaches vibes here (no offense to a 13-year-old Mayim Bialik), before briefly detaining the former. They say that booze was not involved, but dumbassery was. Nobody was injured and the police eventually let Snooki and Deena back into the wild.

Okay, who in “can’t even reach the gas pedal” hell would let Snooki drive in Italy? I would rather let a drunk, half-blind pig with four left hooves and a bad case of physical Tourettes drive me around in Italy. Are the producers of Jersey Shore trying to kill her?! Actually, maybe that’s all part of their series finale plans. They are going to destroy the cast one by one. To which I say, why put the lives of innocent people in danger? If you want to destroy Snooki, just ask her to spell STD.

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