What Makes Brangelina’s Child Army Go EWWWWWW?

May 29, 2011 / Posted by:

In an interview with USA Today for that Tree of Life movie, Brad Pitt talks about how he and Angie Jo are staring at marriage together and he also said what grosses out his army of children. Surprisingly, it’s not the sight of Angie nom nom nom-ing on the penis root of one of her past victims. It’s also not the sight of Brad Pitt cutting a piece of his beard off to put in his bong after realizing that it’s enriched with weed smoke. It’s also not when Brad and Angie make them walk more than 50 steps on the sidewalk without being carried.

It’s worse than all of that. Maddox & Co. let out a hurricane of high-pitched ewwws when Brad and Angie announce that they are going to go spend some time together in their kissing room. That makes all of us go ewwww. The chosen ones are just like us!

Here’s a few quotes from Brad’s interview including that one about Maddox gagging himself at the thought of his parents kissing.

On the paps always being up his family’s culo: “We’re hunted. Our kids have to live behind a gate. Outside, there are people with cameras. But I’ll take the trade-off. I never knew I was capable of experiencing so much love.”

On if he and Angie will ever get married: “The kids ask about marriage. It’s meaning more and more to them. So it’s something we’ve got to look at.”

On how they’re pretty much a trained traveling army: “On the road, we’re a military mobile unit. The kids have got their stuff down to one backpack, and they’re each responsible for their own bag. Mom does the packing; she’s quite gifted at that. Puts in just what we need — nothing extra.”

On how his house sounds like such a tranquil and pleasant place to be: “Angie and I do everything we can to carve out some semblance of normalcy for them, to re-create the kinds of moments that were special for us. It’s not unusual for the kids to be covered in paint. We have mud fights. It’s chaos from morning until the lights go out, and sometimes after that.”

On that kissing thing: “There are no secrets at our house. We tell the kids, ‘Mom and Dad are going off to kiss.’ They go, ‘Eww, gross!’ But we demand it.”

Brad Pitt needs to stop with that “no secret” shit. When they say they are going off to kiss, they really mean that Brad is going to retreat into his hot boxin’ room to make architecture models out of Popsicle sticks while Angie knife fights with her lesbian sex slaves in the chapel. That counts as a secret!

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