Since reading subtitles is stressful and it’s hard to focus on words when you’re trying to find the half-popped popcorn kernel at the bottom of a bag in a dark theater, us Americans have done our own version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. And here’s the first trailer for it.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo needs an American version as much as John Travolta needs a plate of vaginas, but this doesn’t look that awful. I was all ready to write a 1,000-word hate essay about how I’d rather fuck myself with Swedish meatballs from Ikea than watch this mess, but David Fincher, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara and Trent Reznor and Karen O’s cover of “Immigrant Song” has changed my mind. The tagline has even inspired. This is definitely the perfect holiday movie to take my little cousins to see right after I tell them that the SEAL Team 6 killed Santa Claus.