Seen here busting out the classic “pooping in the woods” pose for Details, Ryan Reynolds talked to the magazine about how he’s not going to talk about how his married to ScarJo melted into the lube she used to hump on Sean Penn. But Ryan did say that his heart is still crying sad tears over it and he’s not ready to date again. Ryan also said that contrary to blind items and gossiping whores, a heavy dose of scandal didn’t drown his marriage. I’ll let RyRey take it from here:
On how the media won’t be getting any eVites from him anytime soon: “I’ll say this: The media wasn’t invited to my marriage, and they’re definitely not invited into the divorce.”
On how he’s still half-sad about his divorce: “Anyone who gets divorced goes through a lot of pain. but you come out of it. I’m not out of it yet. At all. But I sense that as I do come through it, there’s optimism. How can there not be? I don’t think I want to get married again, but you always reevaluate these things. Any kind of crisis can be good. It wakes you up. I gotta say, I’m a different person than I was six months ago.”
On how everyone got it wrong when they threw an ESCANDALO label on his split from ScarJo: “What was happening privately was the exact opposite of what was being reported. There was no story and no scandal, so the narrative was just created for me. That was the most disturbing part. I wasn’t angry. I absolutely predicted every beat of it. There’s an entire economy around this sort of thing—therefore it’s gotta happen one way or another. There was a time, though, when looking at the Internet was a miracle cure for feeling good about myself.”
On how he and ScarJo kept it clean: “Departing a relationship and still maintaining the idea that this is still the same person I married is a great luxury that I experienced. Thankfully I was in a relationship where two people chose to remain on the high road in every regard.”
On how he’s not dating so stop asking: “I have no interest in dating right now. It just seems so kind of alien to me at this point. I’ve been in relationships pretty much since high school. Some people look at that as a good thing. I think wiser people might see that as a house of cards. I’m very happy not to be in a relationship right now. That’s okay. I didn’t plan on it, that’s for sure . . . but that’s okay.
I’ll tell Ryan Reynolds what I tell all hot pieces who tell me they just got out of a relationship (BLAH BLAH BLAH) and aren’t looking for anything serious (BLAH BLAH BLAH). Who said shit about a relationship?! We won’t kiss on the lips with feeling. I won’t ever stay the night. And I promise I won’t scream your name when you cross to the other side of the street after seeing me in public.*
* This depends on whether or not I’m under the influence of something that might affect my decision making skills like cheap whiskey, fresh weed and Entenmann’s.