Matthew Vaughn says to take a Sharpie to his name and cross it off the list of dudes who may have made a baby with January Jones. Matthew’s lawyer tell E! News that he never stepped out on his wife, Claudia Schiffer, with January and is definitely not the father of her unborn baby. You probably didn’t read a word I typed since you were too busy trying to solve the puzzle that is Matthew Vaughn’s hedgehog hairline.
CDAN ran a blind item last night that pretty much named Matthew Vaughn as the father. Then today, E! News had sources telling them that Matthew and January were very close on the set of X-Men, which he directed. Sources also said that something in the milk looks like Matthew’s sperm, because he and Claudia rented a house in Beverly Hills and were supposed to stay there until May. But as soon as January announced that she was knocked up, they moved out and went back to England. Claudia’s rep said they were scheduled to go back at that time, because of their children’s school schedule.
Then the plot thickened (yes, I pictured the same thing you pictured) when Matthew didn’t show up to X-Men’s screening in NYC last night. January was there, but Matthew’s rep said that he was suffering from tonsillitis. And then after E! ran the story, Matthew’s lawyers shut their shit down and said in their best Maury voice that he’s not the father.
Is Matthew trying to tell me that he didn’t do down low sex shit with January and when he broke it off, she dramatically told him in an ice cold cunt tone that she’s having his baby whether he likes it or not! Is Matthew also trying to tell me that January didn’t calmly call his wife in front of him while rubbing her stomach in a way that said, “….and I’ll name my baby Matthew…” Is Matthew trying to tell me none of this happened? Damn. Damn. Damn. Just when January Jones was starting to become my new hero….
And here’s January walking around in NYC today. I can’t even look at her anymore!