Woe Is Cheryl Cole

Cheryl Cole has been dropped into a plane and sent back to England after sitting at the judge’s table on X-Factor for only a couple of weeks. Cheryl, WHO IS THE BIGGEST STAR IN ENGLAND (not at all), is now crying in that Geordie accent of hers, because she has been pink-slipped by Simon Cowell and replaced with Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls. There’s a lot of things that hurt in life like getting your peen lips stuck in a zipper or accidentally chewing on aluminum foil, but I’m guessing that nothing hurts like a Pussycat Doll replacing you.

TMZ has no idea why Chery Cole left or was fired, but their sources say it happened very recently. Cheryl sat next to Simon, L.A. Reid and Paula Abdul on the judge’s panel during the L.A. and Chicago auditions. Nicole Scherzinger was a co-host, but now she’s been upgraded to judge.

It’s pretty obvious what happened here. Even after dozens of warnings, Chery Cole mistakenly took a sip from Paula Abdul’s plastic Pepsi cup. Before they knew it, Cheryl was making love to the swivel chairs, slobbering all over the contestants and spilling her feelings out to a plastic ficus tree in the corner. They had to ship her off to a health department clinic that specializes in Abdulification.

UPDATE: TMZ says that Cheryl’s Geordie accent is what got her fired. Producers are afraid that us Americans might twitch our ears when listening to Cheryl speak. They also say that Cheryl and Paula Abdul didn’t really fit together. Simon wants to put Cheryl back in the UK version of X-Factor, but she may tell him to fuck off because she’s not happy about being put on the curb.