No, this is not a picture from a pamphlet for one of those gay cruises that promises hard nips and passion fruit cosmos. It’s the cast of the completely heterosexual Geordie Shore! You know Geordie Shore! It’s the newest strain of Jersey Shore that is about to simultaneously destroy humanity in the UK while inspiring the youth! The cast gathered together at some bridge in the UK to make STD stew by dipping their petri dish crotches into a tub of lukewarm water.
I joke, but this cast really is refreshing. The fine ladies of Geordie Shore look like they rolled out of the gutter, cleaned their pits off with fire hydrant water and then stumbled to the photo shoot smelling of vodka vomit and fried ham. The fine lads of Geordie Shore, on the other hand, look like they woke up at 5am to do side-by-side ab crunches before painstakingly plucking each other’s eyebrows in a giant bubble bath. The dudes look plucked and pampered while the chicks look fucked and tampered. I love it.
In other Shore news, the Jersey Shore whores are still making us Americans proud. Ronnie fist pumped right into the face of a pregnant Situation last night. A million Italians just breathed a sigh of relief, because they no longer have to dirty their fists by punching The Situation out now that Ronnie’s done it for them.