Maria Shriver Pulled The Secret Out Of “Secret Love Child”

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he fathered a secret love child over ten years ago when The Los Angeles Times started poking at his dangling baby batter bags (ugh) and asking all sorts of questions. There’s a story going around today that Maria Shriver is the one who planted the seed in The L.A. Times that grew into Arnold’s nightmare. TMZ says that when Arnold told Maria that he made a baby with their former maid, the glare of a lightning bolt illuminated her skeletal face, showing the look of malicious revenge in her eyes.

If my husband of a million years fucked a secret baby out of the maid and lied to me about it, I’d pay him back by spray painting the word WHORE all over his car right after I verbally assaulted him at his job. This is what most people would do. But the Kennedys are not most people. They hold press conferences! A source says that Maria wanted to pull the blanket off of Arnold’s scandal during a press conference. Maria’s people quickly talked her out of that idea and advised her to leak the story to the L.A. Times instead. Arnold apparently knows that it was Maria who threw up the jig.

I have now learned that Maria Shriver is not the one to screw with. Maria will destroy you even if it means a teenager will now be called the Latino Schwarzenegger by his classmates at school. I have also learned that I will do whatever (or whoever) it takes to win one of those golden fist awards.