Law & Order: SVU Will Be Meloni-Less Next Season

May 24, 2011 / Posted by:

Okay, I know this picture of Christopher Meloni isn’t from Law & Order: SVU (I think), but he’s got no top on and he’s scissoring his nipple with his fingers so it’s a classic and works for every story.

TVLine brings the news that will make hundreds of thousands of genitals frown. They are hearing that negotiations between Christopher Meloni and the producers of Law & Order: SVU went belly up and he won’t be back in the fall for the show’s 13th season. Detective Stabler is no moooooooore!

Dick Wolf is apparently looking to bring on a big name to replace Christopher Meloni. Mariska Hargitay will be back next season, but her role will be dimmed a bit due to her wanting to spend more time with her kid and husband. It’s rumored that the producers are thinking of bringing Jennifer Love Hewitt in mid-season to eventually replace Mariska for season 14.

So to recap, next season’s Law & Order SVU will have zero Meloni nipples, 30% less Hargitay and possibly a big serving of JLove. Basically, SVU now stands for Sad Vagine Uhs. Unless the producers replace Christopher Meloni with a giant penis puppet controlled by a permanently shirtless Tom Selleck, my mom is soooo not watching that shit next season.

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