Estella Warren Knows How To Party

May 24, 2011 / Posted by:

Even in Hollywood, the name Estella Warren makes thousands of brains burp out cloudy questions marks, but she changed that last night. The Canadian icon (not really), the headliner of the Planet of Apes movie (nope) and the reason why Kangaroo Jack hops (no) celebrated Victoria Day yesterday by driving drunk, beating on a cop and trying to escape the police station in L.A.. Lindsay Lohan must be high on pride. Her first drunk mess franchisee is already following her business model to a T!

TMZ says that is all started when the pride of Canada got into her Toyota Prius after allegedly getting tanked on the sweet nectar. The sweet nectar did not make Estella sweet. It turned her into a monster truck driver with UFC aspirations. Estella rammed into 3 parked cars and then drove away without even leaving a note! (Sidebar: Post-Its should really come out with a pre-written series of “I’m sorry I killed your car. I’m drunk. Next one’s on me!” notes for situations like this.) Somebody alerted the cops about Estella’s hit-and-run and they eventually caught up to her.

When they tried to arrest her for DUI, Estella gave the performance of her life by putting up a fight and kicking a cop. You’d think Estella would be happy that she proved her agent wrong by getting arrested in that town, but she wasn’t. The cops dragged Estella to the station and as they were booking her, the shifty bitch got out of her handcuffs and ran out the back door!

Estella was caught and charged with felony escape, hit-and-run, DUI and assault. You know you’ve done well in life when your criminal record is almost as long as your acting resume!

Driving drunk is as bad as choking out a kitten. Hitting three parked cars without leaving a note is as wrong as leading a blind puppy to the edge of a cliff. Kicking a cop is as stupid as riding bareback on a toilet seat in a public bathroom. But trying to escape a fucking police station while drunk as all shit should win you every comedy award available!

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