Things That Katy Perry Loves, Things That Katy Perry Hates

Katy Perry is about to yodel while shooting sparkler flames out of her tits all over the country, but before she can do that she has a few things she'd like to go over with concert promoters. Katy Perry's 45-page rider, snatched from The Smoking Gun, has been making the rounds and it tells us what makes Katy smile with her mouth and what makes Katy frown with her mouth. Basically, Katy loves orchids, presidential suites, egg chairs, Huggies baby wipes (insert obligatory Terrence Howard smile here), refrigerators with glass doors and freeze dried strawberry. Katy hates carnations and chatty drivers with staring problems. You can read the Cliff Note's version here, but below are the highlights.

1. While Lady Caca requests a plastic egg to recharge her ego in, Katy Perry wants two egg chairs and one footstool. IN CREAM! If cream is not available for whatever reason, then it's okay to get white and paint them with the blended skin of a cream colored employee.

2. Katy would like a fresh flower bouquet in her dressing room. You know, just throw some white and pink hydrangeas in a crystal vase filled with a few peonies, roses and orchids. But whatever you do, do not throw carnations in there. NOOOOOOO CARNATIONS! If Katy sees the glimpse of a carnation, she will run out into her prized rose garden and whack the bushes with shears while screaming at the top of her everything. Then the show will be canceled and thousands of young fans will shrivel into dead carnation petals. So don't do it! By the way, in my rider, I'd request a bouquet of Anderson Cooper's dirty panties. NO DIRTY SHEPARD SMITH PANTIES. Only Anderson Cooper!

3. Katy will only rest her face on a pillow in 5-star presidential suite. If only a 4-star vice-presidential suite is available, then you better stop reading this and start building a 5-star presidential suite.

4. Katy's manager has the right to withhold the sale of a block of tickets. Katy's manager can then sell those block of tickets to a reseller and pocket the profits.

5. Lastly, Katy has 23 rules for her driver, which includes keeping his cell phone ringer turned off, no talking to her or her fans, no staring at her through the rear-view mirror, no asking for autographs and no leaving the driver's seat unless asked.

About the driver thing... Most people I know roll their eyes and huff out a breath of annoyance whenever a cab driver starts spilling out his life story and shit to them. Sometimes I'm like that, but then I think about all the good stories I've heard from cab drivers.

Like this one time, I was coming back from the airport after the worst flight ever and the only thing my ears wanted to do was sleep. I did not want to hear words coming out of anybody. And of course, when you want something, the opposite happens. The cab driver started talking and talking and talking... Just as I was about to lose it, he told me about how he thinks his wife is down low dicking his neighbor. He thought this, because the neighbor's dog had a thing for his wife's crotch. The dog would always greet her by sniffing on her goods. He believed that while she was fucking the neighbor, her vagina fumes made their way into the dog's nostrils and it now craved the scent. Dude actually said, "The dog is on my side." That story brought me back to life.

To think, if I gave him a rider with a "no talking" rule on it, he would've punched me out, left me on the curb and I would've never heard about the Joey Greco of dogs.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by cookiepuss on Mon, 05/23/2011 - 1:40pm.

I just have to say that I don't think this rider is that bad. I'm sure it takes a lot to make some generic back stage greenroom feel comfortable and we ALL have little things that we like to make us feel at home. These things MUST be outlined in the rider or they won't happen. I am a commercial producer and we often work with celebrities. They often have riders. We accommodate what we can and let them know what we cannot. You don't ask; you don't get. None of this seems abusive, but merely specific. You HAVE to be specific with what you want because you don't know if the people arranging your accommodations have the same taste that you do. You want a buffet, which to you may mean certain kinds of food, but then you arrive and totally other kids of food are on the table. You have to be specific.

Also, I'm not famous or hot, but I d travel a lot for work and take a lot of taxis and car services. I'm often chatted up by drivers when all I want is to rest and decompress after a 14 hour flight or whatever. I have had drivers take both hands off the wheel to manage their cell phone/gps needs. Oh, if only I could have a rider to make certain that these things didn't happen BEFORE I got in the car. heaven. Don't hate. I'll bet you if you were in her position you'd all have many of the same kinds of items on your rider.

As for those of you lime Agnostic 1 and Terri who are lauding the generosity of bands that allowed you to eat from their buffets back stage, I have two important points to make to you:

1) That buffet is in place because of the Rider. Every item on that table is here because it's asked for specifically on the Rider. Your beloved band has the exact kind of list of do's and don't's that Katy does.

2) The Rider surely also specifies that no one but the band and their guests be allowed to eat from the buffet. That was the BAND's doing, not the manager's.

3) If those two things above had not happened, the band would have come back stage after their shows to find a ravaged table half eaten by teamsters. It's a dog eat buffet world out there.

In short, get over it. This is how business is done. Those of us who have to actually fulfill Rider requests don't see the problem, so why should you? And again, we always have the option to say HELL NO to items that are too outrageous. And we do. NONE of these items would be considered outrageous.

That is all.

Submitted by Lolah on Sun, 05/22/2011 - 9:08am.

Oh Jeez, the girl's got standards. Just because you haven't, don't whine.....

Submitted by nayacat on Sun, 05/22/2011 - 8:50am.

There is a child's egg chair at Ikea for 80 bucks. Grab a cream spray can and you're set. I heard that the brown M&Ms thing was a way of quickly checking a rider. If you have several trucks of lighting and stage rigs, someone could die if the venue isn't all there. I'm too lazy to google today. Didn't that happen to Led Zep, like in CO? A rig fell, so they put that in the rider? Lainey, who turned me on to MK, questions whether this is KP or her handlers. I'd like to see Gaga's rider and compare!

KP sounds like a fishwife to me. Screaming her goods in the market street.

The driver thing seems harsh, BTW. I am a musician on a smaller scale. I often wish I had a green room and handlers; at the end of the night, I HAVE TO mingle and be nice. Multiply that by 10,000 on tour. If someone came to your job@5pm and wanted to chat for 5 hours, you'd be annoyed. Performing is exhausting; you give everything. But they could be nicer to the drivers, maybe say it sweetly/in person. Ugh. Let 'em eat cake! Who wants to drive candy ass around now?

Submitted by BeatABitchDown on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 3:05pm.

The driver rules seemed oddly specific to me. Like she's had some bad experiences in the past and she doesn't want them to happen again. (Also she might be one of those people who is paranoid about riding in cars.)

Riders overall can be ridiculous and over-indulgent, but I've read that people who tour a lot try to make their lives comfortable because they don't really have a home when they're on the road. Also sometimes they don't get all the shit they ask for so they ask for too much in the hopes of just getting SOME stuff they like.

It's easy to resent celebrities. So I will! But to be honest, I wouldn't want any of their jobs. It's not all glamor, I'm sure.

Submitted by EmmaG.Frost on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 1:41pm.

WOW I thought I liked her now i see what a piece of fucking MOJON he really is, so fucking sad when there are truly talented people who are so down to earth and kind.
Emma Grace Frost

Submitted by Crustyina Fagulera. on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 10:51am.

I hope Russ Brand has already infected her with his poison. Aka HIV.

Submitted by Thornhill on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 6:51am.

Depends which country you are in...

_____________________对您的和平_____________________
There's nothing like a doomsday prediction to fill the pews...

Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 6:49am.

Pretty sure it is illegal to drive in the passing lane, Katy. Notice it's called the "passing" lane?

Submitted by md20s on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 6:25am.

I drive a teal 93 Ford Tempo and this bitch...?

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 12:08am.

I don't know much, but I know for sure that if I were famous, I would go out of my way to make sure that people would not consider me overindulged. If this story is true, than Perry deserves to be sent back into Oblivion for demand #5 alone.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by NDNchief on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 12:08am.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Callie on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 12:39am.

I'm glad she's this much of a diva asshole. It will make her fall from grace and ensuing desperation all the more delicious.

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Ohhh, such poetry. I could not agree more. It will be delicious.

Submitted by Picasso1 on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 11:45pm.

WTF does she need 3 20amp electrical outlets in each room? and what a douche bag bitch, scalping her own tickets. Katy Pderry is just plain fucked up diva, What's Russel Brand's Rider 50 pages?

Submitted by Callie on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 11:09pm.

Hopefully, they just ship the egg chairs from place to place and don't tell her. Are those even comfortable to sit in?

I'm glad she's this much of a diva asshole. It will make her fall from grace and ensuing desperation all the more delicious.

Fancy: My kitties have that exact toy. Very cute vid.

Submitted by Pinkismyblack on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 10:42pm.

REDMOND- you took the words out of my mouf!

And not only that but she looks possessed by the spirit of a Realdoll. Her eyes are completely soul-less.

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 10:13pm.

Submitted by dlaugher on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 11:23pm.
am i the only one who finds #4 unethical and maybe even illegal? EWWW!
what's a female douchebag?
just not right.

does anyone else do that?

____________________________________

My guess would be that he can hold back a block of tickets in the rider.

Maybe MK extrapolated on that?

I don't know.

If he didn't, and that's what it truly says in the rider, it should be illegal.

I know I said goodnight and I AM in bed, but gd these smartphones.

If her manager is that hard up, it doesn't look good.

_________________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by dlaugher on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 9:53pm.

am i the only one who finds #4 unethical and maybe even illegal? EWWW!
what's a female douchebag?
just not right.

does anyone else do that?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Amnesty International
Shine a Light

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 8:35pm.

Submitted by Dj Tenn. on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 9:59pm.

Katy Perry is one trick I cant quite figure out
______________________

Imo, it's ambition.

Serious ambition can get you anywhere, if you're willing to do whatever it takes.

I'm talking about nobodies who become famous, not people like Goopy who just get up in the morning and say their parents names.

The people who know what they want from a young age and go for it at all costs and get it are rare, but they probably feel they are entitled, after all, God only knows what that had to do to get there.

Madonna is a person who comes to mind.

The way I feel is, from where Madonna came from, and what she has achieved, she can do whatever the fuck she wants.

__________________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by Dj Tenn. on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 8:29pm.

Although some of this shit sounds bitchy, the cab driver in the contract rider thing is a common sense issue idea.. although I feel you MK..

Being just a DJ here in NYC Ive been thru so much shit with cab drivers talking on their phones, turnin around to eyeball you , you name it.. but on the other hand Ive hear enough stories and scenarios for a Lifetime of Tv movies..

Also RuPaul has told me horror stories the shit that cab drivers have said to him and wanted him to do or they want your life story , and mind you this is right as you are in a strange car in strange town with this guy driving like a fool as you are trying to focus on remembering every song lyric and stage banter to a 90 minute show and / or about to give an interview with press that will make people perceive you as a cool or stupid.. NOT NOW , ok, buddy.. artist at work here...

With all that being said ,it was still SO refreshing to get on the M60 Bus in Harlem Wednesday & who do I sit next to but super genius KING of comedy , Paul Mooney, who I see out on 125th St. all the time. This was the day that story broke on Arnold & Maria , and it dawned om me.. Paul Mooney's "Negrodamus" was right about Arnold after all lol..

Katy Perry is one trick I cant quite figure out , she is from the church cult so me thinks she is a product of MK programming , her tunes are sugar fluff pop perfection but she CANT ever now or will be able to pull it off LIVE.. always flat off key , cant dance.. Russell Brand ewww, double eww.. just a mess. ..

waiter, check please..

TONS of fucking Sequins!

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 7:33pm.

If these celebs didn't act like entitled assholes, if they dressed classy, had manners, treated everyone well and avoided the press, didn't get arrested, etc. this website wouldn't exist and how sad would that be for us?!

_________________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by Kabee on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 7:28pm.

Regarding the 23 rules for her driver, I never liked this bitch and now I have a concrete reason why.

Submitted by Puppy Love on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:51pm.

Never suspected KP was a cunt. Oh, well.

Submitted by putsomestankonit on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:49pm.

Just because God gave you big tits doesn't mean that you're entitled. And if I were her, I'd be more concerned that I need to wear the entire contents of a MAC counter in order to pass a girl.

Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:37pm.

Wait...SHE sings that "Supernatural" song? I cannot tell any of these hos apart anymore w. the damn auto-tuning. I thought it was Ri Ri.

And this? "Infect me with your love and "

I thought it was "infect me with your love PEN".
lol!

Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 5:38pm.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:08pm.
I had a short mini-career repping two local artists who were quite successful in the region where I live.

We used to think we were bad-ass, asking for a fruit platter, bottled water and some decent cheese. Huh.
************
At the risk of sounding like a back-peddlar, it's not local artists who work their asses off, have actual talent, and appreciate things like the fruit platter, bottled water and decent cheese. It's talentless twats like Katie Perry who make it, not based on amazing talent, but because they wiggle their tits while lip synching or badly singing their current mindless shit to folks who lay down tons of cash to watch her mess from far away, and she gets to have her every whim fulfilled.

I'm not bitter at all! ;-)

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 5:31pm.

Submitted by Fancy Malone on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 9:25am.
Love your kitties, Fancy! I bet you have to clean up lots of little Katy Perry's from their litter box everyday!
I also noticed you had Dlisted logged in on your laptop. LOL

Submitted by Dr. Cornelia J.... on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 5:19pm.

Exactly where in her contract does it state that her shit does not stink?

Oh it stinks, honey.... It stinks bad.

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:58pm.

Did I mention I hate this bitch?

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:57pm.

She's a fucktard. And she fucking ugly. I don't understand for a second how anyone thinks she's hot. Her husband is just as bad. They were made for each other.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:38pm.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:02pm.
Riders are some of the most ridiculous, extravagant, bullshit things entitled twats like this get to have fulfilled which only make them bigger assholes.
**********
I had a short mini-career repping two local artists who were quite successful in the region where I live.

We used to think we were bad-ass, asking for a fruit platter, bottled water and some decent cheese. Huh.
************
"le seul vrai problème de Strauss-Kahn est son rapport aux femmes"~ Jean Quatremer,9 juillet, 2007.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:32pm.

Riders are some of the most ridiculous, extravagant, bullshit things entitled twats like this get to have fulfilled which only make them bigger assholes.

I get you want to have your shit nice when you're getting ready to perform your FUCKING JOB, because, seriously, when we regular Joes and Bettys do our jobs, we get to ask for a fucking kick ass cubicle that allows you to hear people's gossip and stupid shit, a computer with actual WINDOWS 2005 that has the semi-slowest internet connection, a random ass office chair that, depending on the pants you wear, becomes a slide, and let's not forget the high-tech stapler that gets stuck after just stapling two items. Let's not forget the temperature is always an extreme: either burning hot or freezing cold. It's all about bringing your own Snuggie to work.

Hell yeah, bitch, I have a rider for you and all your stupid ass entitled twat buddies - a rider that includes me beating your ass ever-so good!!!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Pass a memo around you dumb fucks!
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 7:27pm.

Submitted by super-ette on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:26pm.

Why would anyone want to see her live? Much less pay for the non-privilege

Submitted by dementa on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:24pm.

Katy you're a piece of work
You really think you have some worth...

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 4:09pm.

I can understand the driver not talking thing. Everyone I have ever worked for has requested that when I order cars for them, the driver not talk.

Which is wimpy, sometimes I want to talk in planes and cabs, and if I don't, I just politely say, "I know you don't mind, but need to sleep, work."

If it's a car, sometimes I say it before even getting in.

It takes 2 seconds, and, in the case of the celeb, if the driver ignores, they'll get fired.

___________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 3:54pm.

This just doesn't seem that bad to me.

She is doing her job and she expects an appropriate workplace environment.

Since she's filthy rich she can get more than regular people who would scream bloody murder if we didn't have clean bathrooms or lunchbreaks.

Meanwhile, the people in the world who would sneer at THOSE luxuries!

Is The Rapture here yet.

___________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by tomahawk on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 3:22pm.

OMG - now I get why concert tickets are that expensive. Sorry, but that's ridiculous (read the whole shit)

Submitted by NDNchief on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 2:55pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by BettySue on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 2:50pm.
BITCH PLEASE!

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Co-sign

The bad news is when the Rapture happens K.Perry will still be among us. Dammit ! !

I saw in my tia's star mag that industry make-up artists call her Skittles. They say she needs tons of make up in ridiculous colors. Tons just to look average-ish.

Submitted by jalynne on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 2:41pm.

The requests for her dressing room and dancers room are not that ridiculous. Fruit, chips, lamps, 1 mirror, places to sit... Hard Rock cafe and House of Blues provide most of this for local acts without them even asking. I think the other 30 pages on her rider are most likely equipment and crowd control procedures.

Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 2:02pm.

Does her rider demand a few gallons of ProActive always at hand to keep her crusty zits at bay? STFU, Pimples!

Submitted by BettySue on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 1:20pm.

BITCH PLEASE!

Submitted by Bree on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:49pm.

I don't understand the logic here. How can people who have everything make so many asinine demands of people who have nothing? Because they "grace" us with their presence on stage? These people are only in these rooms for an hour or two at max. Complete bullshit. I don't know how or why anybody puts up with it, especially for people like her.

Submitted by IrishFury on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:33pm.

"Do not stair at the backseat thru the rearvieuw mirrow"

Nice! They're all good spellers too!
________________________________
Dark-sided!

Submitted by yuga on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:27pm.

Submitted by Thornhill on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 10:21am.

David Lee Roth.. No brown M&M's..

*********************************

My dad was one of those people that had to take all the brown M&Ms out when they came to town. He was still in the music industry (mainly touring) back then. Apparently, Guns and Roses was by far the worst of the bunch, and he worked with a ton of people. If they were big in the 90s country or rock/pop world, he worked with them. So its kind of funny to me that G&N was the worst out of all those people.

Submitted by dementa on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:16pm.

Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 10:43am.

If that shit isn't on the next Twilight soundtrack, I will be disappointed.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by chica robotica on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:09pm.

"Sometimes I'm like that, but then I think about all the good stories I've heard from cab drivers."

True!! On the street, at the DMV, in coffee shops and yes, in cabs... people tell me their life stories without provocation and even when it's boring, it's wonderful. So much better than passing your time playing games on your phone or something. See, that's the problem with these "artists" -- they get famous, lose touch with the street, start putting out BS.