Lindsay Lohan Restrains Her Stalker

If Marilyn Manson made this same pose in front of Lindsay Lohan’s house, everybody including an alleged Freemason stalker would turn the shit around and run to the nearest place of worship to boil the pain off their eyes with hot holy water. But Lindsay Lohan decided not to use that option and instead she took out a restraining order against the dude she says is a Freemason and an obsessive stalker. Well, there goes bitch’s last fan.

Earlier this week, LiLo Tweeted a picture of a fat man outside of her house and screamed out in less than 140 characters that she’s afraid he might do harm to her ass. LiLo finally put down her Tweetin’ fingers and actually contacted the authorities. E! News reports that she was granted a temporary restraining order against David Cocordan. According to LiLo’s statement, David started sending her bizarre text messages in the summer of 2009. David thinks that he’s in a relationship with LiLo and has even left boxes of chocolate and doctored magazine clippings on her doorstep.

Over the years, David has gotten bolder and said in text messages that they were engaged and he couldn’t wait to do sex shit with her. The latter message drove LiLo to take real action against him, because she’s afraid he might try to rape her. The LAPD briefly looked into David’s history and found that he’s a schizophrenic who suffers from severe delusions when he’s off his meds.

LiLo’s declaration doesn’t state the answer to the question we’re all asking: Why in the hell didn’t ho change her phone number?

So, let’s recap. LiLo took a restraining order against a possible Satan worshiper who is on the wrong side of crazy, humps on delusion like it’s his full-time job and sends her creepy messages at all hours of the day? Yes, those are all reasons to restrain a bitch, but then I have to ask why is White Oprah allowed in the front door then? That crazy bitch does all of that and more!