The Palin Family's Got A New Member!
The eldest Palin son, 22-year-old Track, married his high school sweetheart, 21-year-old Britta Hanson, in an intimate ceremony in Hatcher Pass, Alaska today. After the young army reservist and the nursing student were married, their families immediately wrapped this statement in seal blubber and sent it to the office of People via a carrier falcon:
"Our families couldn't be happier! These are two hard working, humble, active, studious young adults who grew up together. We're tickled that after two decades of friendship we proudly witnessed their marriage, knowing their new life together will be blessed.They will have a larger wedding celebration this winter at Alaska's Alyeska Ski Resort when extended family and friends from the Lower 48 can travel north for a long ski weekend.
The Hanson and Palin families are ecstatic and proud that Britta and Track married in one of our favorite spots in America, spectacular Hatcher Pass, Alaska. It's a site we've all shared fun memories of skiing, snowboarding, hiking and snowmachining."
You know, there's something very familiar about this whole thing. Having a surprise wedding on a weekday afternoon... The bride wearing a smart casual blazer from Dress Barn with a slimming black t-shirt from The Limited.... A bouquet covering any evidence.... I KNOW! This is just like the wedding my cousin had when she didn't want our abuelita finding out that she was 3-months knocked up! Ho tried to put a silencer on the shot gun! This is just like that.
However, in this case, instead of worrying about an abuelita finding out, they're trying to keep it from the publicist who handles Bristol Palin's pro-abstinence speaking engagements.
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"And here's a photo of our shotgun wedding."
What 21 year old woman interested in getting married at that age wants a wedding that looks like that? They let Levi and Bristol wait to get married and ended up with nothing but embarrassment to show for it. Mama Grizzly ain't playin' that shit this time around.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Submitted by Tyroan on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 4:34pm.
For those keeping score, track is the one born 8 months after sarah and todd were married.
I don't think anyone else is keeping score.
Your obsession is unique to yourself.
They call it snowmachining?
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 4:44pm.
Where's an avalanche when you need one?
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HAHAHAHAHA!
MK's on point with the wardrobe and accessories hiding a baby friend who'll probably be named Ski Lift, Snow boot, or Moose.
If any of these folks are involved in the Rapture, count me OUT.
Where's an avalanche when you need one?
Humble ???
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
TRACK???
Are you fucking serious?
I don't understand why Cliff Claven was there.
Track? His name is TRACK?! Give me a break. What's his middle name? Mark?
WTF is up with the ridic names... Trig, Twig, Tree...isn't one of them named Trip?
They're like the Repub version of the Phoenix family!
If their first born is a girl they can call her Trollop.
For those keeping score, track is the one born 8 months after sarah and todd were married.
Submitted by NoMoreMangoForYou on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 4:31pm.
Totally knocked up. Sure is a fertile family. Shame they ate too stupid to use birth control.
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It's the movie Idiocracy coming to life already.
TRACK?! Good god, just kill this family already.
Totally knocked up. Sure is a fertile family. Shame they ate too stupid to use birth control.
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"if there is one thing I like more than suckin dick, it's whoopin ass" POW! overheard by bambam
I wish them nothing but the worst.
So they'll be having a wedding in the Winter when the bride can pose for the cover of some crappy mag after she loses the pregnancy weight she is gaining.
You betcha!
Hypocrites, yes, but humble? Um, no.
why would you marry someone who is named after a water pitcher?
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK