The Palin Family's Got A New Member!
The eldest Palin son, 22-year-old Track, married his high school sweetheart, 21-year-old Britta Hanson, in an intimate ceremony in Hatcher Pass, Alaska today. After the young army reservist and the nursing student were married, their families immediately wrapped this statement in seal blubber and sent it to the office of People via a carrier falcon:
"Our families couldn't be happier! These are two hard working, humble, active, studious young adults who grew up together. We're tickled that after two decades of friendship we proudly witnessed their marriage, knowing their new life together will be blessed.They will have a larger wedding celebration this winter at Alaska's Alyeska Ski Resort when extended family and friends from the Lower 48 can travel north for a long ski weekend.
The Hanson and Palin families are ecstatic and proud that Britta and Track married in one of our favorite spots in America, spectacular Hatcher Pass, Alaska. It's a site we've all shared fun memories of skiing, snowboarding, hiking and snowmachining."
You know, there's something very familiar about this whole thing. Having a surprise wedding on a weekday afternoon... The bride wearing a smart casual blazer from Dress Barn with a slimming black t-shirt from The Limited.... A bouquet covering any evidence.... I KNOW! This is just like the wedding my cousin had when she didn't want our abuelita finding out that she was 3-months knocked up! Ho tried to put a silencer on the shot gun! This is just like that.
However, in this case, instead of worrying about an abuelita finding out, they're trying to keep it from the publicist who handles Bristol Palin's pro-abstinence speaking engagements.
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Submitted by Versailles on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 7:31am.
So, Sarah is going to be a granny now?
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Where ya been, Versailles? Sarah's been a granny since Bristol had Trig. I mean Tripp. I mean Trig.
my friend named her baby london, spelled londynn smh
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK
HATCHER PASSHOLES.
Sounds like they signed a promo deal for that resort. Just a little dowry for the new bride.
Submitted by mitchyul on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 5:52pm.
They prepared a statement? Who the fuck cares that a guy named Track and a Palin! Got married.
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Yeah, this. I don't wish them any ill will and I don't care if he knocked her up (although it is a shitty reason to marry). You can't choose your family. I don't know anything about him (nor should I), so I can't judge.
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I'm bored with babies and engagements and happiness and joy and shit. - ImpertinentVixen
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Yeah blah blah blah blah. I really wish all those fuckers would die in a plane crash.
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"There is something the matter with you, Caprice...Something is the matter with YOUR VAGINA!"
I'm all for a casual wedding but jeans?!? Just because you are in Alaska doesn't mean you can't dress up a little bit, damn.
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Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:25pm.
Can't wait to see what fucking awful names are generated from the current hipster crop. I anticipate such atrocities as "Atari," "Casio," "Cassette," "Jordache," "Staghorn," "LowFi," "Keffiyeh" ("Keffy" for short, adorbs), "Cosby," and "Fug."
It's already started...I'm 27 and went to high school with a guy named Atari.
The boutineere's and the corsages, adds a bit of class to their outfits, dont'cha think?
does this meann sarah pullin is preggers again
cause you know thats how she is
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
So, Sarah is going to be a granny now?
I can live with Sarah Palin, but her husand gives me the creeps. He looks like a total psycho.
LOL @ Meowrr! I was just going to say I thought it was Gwyneth at first in the photo before I read the story. And I wondered why she was being photographed with the Palins.
Are we sure this isn't/wasn't Gwyneth Paltrow doing research for "Cuntry Strong?"
Britta sounds like a nickname for Brigitta.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:46am.
Yesterday this rich mom at the playground was calling her kid because it was time to go home:
"Aramis! Aramis!"
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Please tell me she also had little Athos, Porthos and D'Artagnan there with her LOL.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Yesterday this rich mom at the playground was calling her kid because it was time to go home:
"Aramis! Aramis!"
Swear to god.
Also, I know of two baby girls named Piper, both to Upper East Side moms. (Both of whom were in my SIL's graduating class) I secretly like that name.
How did Edward Kennedy end up with the nickname Teddy? Ed, Eddy...
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 6:27am.
<"Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 3:49am.
Track Palin is a mess himself. No wonder, with such a family. He's bi, a drug addict, Oxycontin-snorting, kleptomaniac and the list goes on">
A klepper?! No, not a klepper!!!
I had thought for the past 3 or 4 years he's been serving his country quietly and admirably in Afghanistan.
Sasha and Malia work DuPont Circle at 4 am in heels BTW and don't even charge!
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Track ended up in Afghanistan because of his penchant for vandalism, drugs and getting in trouble. It was a good way to keep him out of jail.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:25pm.
Can't wait to see what fucking awful names are generated from the current hipster crop. I anticipate such atrocities as "Atari," "Casio," "Cassette," "Jordache," "Staghorn," "LowFi," "Keffiyeh" ("Keffy" for short, adorbs), "Cosby," and "Fug."
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Jordache and Atari?!?!?!? Hahaha! I've noticed the more "traditional" names are coming back. Babies I know born in the last year: William, James, Sophia, Zoe, and Madeline. Actually, I think the spelling of Madeline was all jacked up. But at least it's not Casio or Shayden LOL
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
<"Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 3:49am.
Track Palin is a mess himself. No wonder, with such a family. He's bi, a drug addict, Oxycontin-snorting, kleptomaniac and the list goes on">
A klepper?! No, not a klepper!!!
I had thought for the past 3 or 4 years he's been serving his country quietly and admirably in Afghanistan.
Sasha and Malia work DuPont Circle at 4 am in heels BTW and don't even charge!
"i know they just got married yesterday, but have they announced that they're "over the moon", yet?"
LOL, soon probably momma Palin will buy a baby and then announce the sheeple that Britta is "over the moon" with a child they're gonna name TRICK (already have Tripp, Trig and Track)...
Well I hope these bitches hired a banjo band for the reception at the trailer park. I can just see it; wedding cake trimmed with pork rinds and a valet for snowmobile parking.
Background scenery is gorgeous. Looks like someone is going to have a "premature" baby in about 7 months.
i know they just got married yesterday, but have they announced that they're "over the moon", yet?
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
Please post nude photos of hot-daddy Todd Palin!
Please post nude photos of hot-daddy Todd Palin!
Track Palin is a mess himself. No wonder, with such a family. He's bi, a drug addict, Oxycontin-snorting, kleptomaniac and the list goes on... His marriage is nothing but a sham/arrangement concocted by his parents, especially his shrewd of a mom.
Little_rascal
"Ted Bundy's name was actually Theodore Bundy"
My kid is~ just Ted, but not due to a serial killer issue. I watched too many Leave it to Beaver reruns. I did call him Tedwardo, for fun not a real name, simply because I could. We never called him Teddy, fear of the "call me Ed" issue. I am shallow.
WhiskeyTango, LOL at T 'Ed!
Dementa, Thanks your comment made me tear up a bit. He was a very warm and very pleasant little boy.
*ETA: The Track Palin weddin' picture is Awkward Family photo material.
People, can we at least appreciate the fact the Wedding Industrial Complex could not sucker this frugal bride & family into spending thousands...um, hundreds?.. ok $50 on a silly party and fruu fruu dress, etc.?
Now who'ya calling dumb?
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:25pm.
I hope Apple grows up to be a junk food junkie who doesn't appreciate fine living, and walks around in public in slouchy stained jeans and T-shirts.
Submitted by Nell on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 9:52pm.
Ted is an inherently wonderful name. It always makes me think of one of our most kickass presidents. It's just such a warm, pleasant sort of name.
Me, if I ever spawn I have a few unusual names ready, but since they're also traditional names, they don't count as "weird."
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by howdareyou on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 6:13pm.
It's nice that Wilford Brimley didn't let his diabetus keep him from attending.
Now that is some funny shit, howdareyou. It kills me how he says "diabetus"!
Elope-a-dope.
very classy of Sarah to keep her sunglasses on during the photo.
I think they just walked into the florist and said they needed some quick roses just so it would look like some planning went into it. Sarah barely even fixed her hair. Trash.
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If you wanna be in black and white, black and white's gotta be IN YOU!
That child is named "Track"? What the hell?
And the wedding attire... I don't even... Jesus. I mean, I can see doing it casual. Whatever floats your boat. But why go with the elaborate bouquet and corsages if you're in jeans and polar fleece? THESE PEOPLE ARE AWFUL.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Why on earth are these people in such a hurry to get married? When you're 21/22, the world is your oyster.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I knew someone who wanted to name her baby "Anastasia" but she was illiterate and named her child "Anesthesia". Parents had to change her name in the first grade.
Looks like the pregnancy kit came back positive, and they scheduled an impromptu affair for the coming Sunday afternoon.
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:37pm.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:25pm.
And I reeeeeeeally hope Goopy's daughter "Apple" grows up to disappoint her mother by being just as boring as she is despite her name (which, now that I think about it, isn't that unusual when you consider that the apple is unarguably the most pedestrian of fruits. If Goop really wanted to get wacky, she should have named her daughter something like "Durian"
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lol. I want to see Apple Paltrow change her name to "Inorganic MSG Transfat" when she grows up.
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Or Kris P. Kreme. Kay Kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
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Only a ginger can call another ginger "ginger." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLLYO8Hd_sE
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:25pm.
And I reeeeeeeally hope Goopy's daughter "Apple" grows up to disappoint her mother by being just as boring as she is despite her name (which, now that I think about it, isn't that unusual when you consider that the apple is unarguably the most pedestrian of fruits. If Goop really wanted to get wacky, she should have named her daughter something like "Durian"
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lol. I want to see Apple Paltrow change her name to "Inorganic MSG Transfat" when she grows up.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Submitted by Nell on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 9:52pm.
I agree, I named my son Ted. (not Tedyen) When I named him it had the opposite effect I expected. I was expecting a big yawn, instead I got stories about how great someone's uncle Ted was, or their Dad. Seems like everyone knows a good Ted, other than Bundy & Kascynski. I like old school names that are not strange.
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Ted's a nice normal name that's pretty hard to mess up. You know there's gotta be some dumb ho out there who would name their kid T 'Ed, though...
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
I used to think my name was boring, but now I think of it more as "classic."
I think people put way too much importance on names. You could be named "Bob Smith" and yet be an icon of individuality and musical creativity (like Robert Smith of The Cure) - or you could be named something as "normal" as Anne, John, or James and be a pioneering literary mind (like Anne Sexton, John Donne, or James Joyce).
I just hate the trendy trendoids, people who think they are being so original, when they are really just following the gross trends of the small circle they move in (and never venture out of). Can't wait to see what fucking awful names are generated from the current hipster crop. I anticipate such atrocities as "Atari," "Casio," "Cassette," "Jordache," "Staghorn," "LowFi," "Keffiyeh" ("Keffy" for short, adorbs), "Cosby," and "Fug."
And I reeeeeeeally hope Goopy's daughter "Apple" grows up to disappoint her mother by being just as boring as she is despite her name (which, now that I think about it, isn't that unusual when you consider that the apple is unarguably the most pedestrian of fruits. If Goop really wanted to get wacky, she should have named her daughter something like "Durian").
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Only a ginger can call another ginger "ginger." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLLYO8Hd_sE
Submitted by Nell on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 9:52pm.
"Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 8:33pm.
Yeah, the naming your kid Jayden/Brayden/Cayden/Shayden--and any derivatives thereof--craze needed to die yesterday."
I agree, I named my son Ted. (not Tedyen) When I named him it had the opposite effect I expected. I was expecting a big yawn, instead I got stories about how great someone's uncle Ted was, or their Dad. Seems like everyone knows a good Ted, other than Bundy & Kascynski. I like old school names that are not strange.
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Ted Bundy's name was actually Theodore Bundy.
Submitted by BBGemini on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 9:02pm.
Submitted by thegobbler on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 8:43pm.
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*PLEASE* tell me the bride wore white jeans!
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Hmmm, if memory serves, the bride also wore black jeans with a western-style shirt tucked in to enhance her fupa.
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
I have an unusual name but it's not trendy or a common inanimate object. I love having an unusual name but there is nothing wrong with have a "normal" name. I also have a very plain middle name which I use when it makes sense to.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Submitted by Tyroan on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 9:53pm.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 8:49pm.
Apparently Track is named "Track" b/c that's where he was conceived, as in...high school track field.
Or, more plausibly, out by the railroad tracks.
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Yes, the wrong side of them.
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It is simple. He is a Minister Without Portfolio.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 8:49pm.
Apparently Track is named "Track" b/c that's where he was conceived, as in...high school track field.
Or, more plausibly, out by the railroad tracks.
These people would marry their first cousin. Bunch of hillbilles.