Zsa Zsa Gabor Has Slipped Into A Coma

May 18, 2011 / Posted by:

As chandeliers everywhere slowly start to lose their shine, Zsa Zsa Gabor returned to UCLA Medical Center this afternoon after her feeding tube started to squirt blood everywhere. Zsa Zsa was barely released from the hospital on Monday after she won a battle with pneumonia. Zsa Zsa’s husband, who can’t fart without calling TMZ’s tip line first, tells CNN that doctors are working right now to revive her. Prince von Anhalt says that she’s not responding.

What the hell hasn’t Zsa Zsa been through over the past couple of years?! I’m surprised a lightning bolt hasn’t hit her hospital bed as a shark went flying through the window. Damn. Damn. Damn. Zsa Zsa got her hip replaced, they took her damn leg and she’s 94 years old! If you make it to 94 years old, you should be spending your days swatting at your little grandchildren dressed up like cops (to relive the glory days)! You shouldn’t be lying up in a hospital bed for the 1,974th time this year.

Oh, Zsa Zsa. Well, while her body’s in a coma, maybe her mind is waltzing with a diamond-encrusted man in a sea of champagne bubbles and swan feathers.

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