ASkars Is Wearing Way Too Many Clothes On GQ

If you worked at GQ and got a call from Alexander Skarsgard’s publicist confirming that he will be happy to grace the cover and pages of your magazine with his long Swedish limbs, what is the first thing you would do? If it was me, I’d immediately torch the sample closet, hypnotize the editor into declaring June “The Nekkid Swede” issue and tie up any stylist who came to the set with “clothing options for Mr. ASkars.” That’s what anybody with working genitals would do!

Well, anybody but those hos at GQ. They completely covered up the sexiest thing that has come out of Stellan Skarsgard’s penis hole! ASkars’ lingonnips? Covered up! They also covered up ASkars’ happy trail that leads to the FLÄRKE in his pants! (FLÄRKE is the name of the Ikea bookshelf that took me four hours to build and left me all sore up the next day. I’d like to think that ASkars’ peen has the same kind of power.)

If that wasn’t bad enough, GQ also asked the director of Straw Dogs what the set was like during ASkars’ fake rape scene with his girlfriend Kate Bosworth.

“In the beginning, Kate would be crying after every take and Alex would try to comfort her. By the end, everybody got really raw.”

So GQ kept ASKars’ body under wraps and then brings up rape and Kate Bosworth’s name in the article. Way to break a wave of boners, GQ. Why didn’t go they all the way by making Gwyneth Paltrow interview ASkars about his feelings on CROCS in the room where Osama was killed?