The Last Ho Who Should Replace Mariska Hargitay Might Replace Mariska Hargitay

I’d like to think that Mariska Hargitay can see the future and knew this hurtful rumor was coming, which is why she has a look on her face in the picture above that says: “This is the mess you’re going to replace me with?”

Deadline Hollywood says that Mariska will make next season of Law & Order: SVU her last and the producers are now looking for the lucky actress who gets to share space with Christopher Meloni’s freshly waxed chest clits. Jennifer Love Hewitt guest starred on SVU last season as a rape victim and the producers must’ve been hypnotized by the shiny sparkles jumping off her crotch crystals, because her name has come up as a possibility for the new lady detective. They haven’t offered her the job yet, but they’re talking to her about it.

The only Law & Order Jennifer Love Hewitt belongs on is Law & Order: Candyland. This is like replacing a lion with a whiny kitten who only stops meowing if you pet her.

With Detective JLove on the case, the number of false confessions will hit record numbers. Get Det. JLove in a locked room with a suspect and the talk will quickly turn to how she doesn’t understand why her boyfriend won’t propose to her, and why didn’t he get the hint when she bedazzled her crotch with the words “PROPOSE TO ME ALREADY!“, and why did he give her the middle finger instead of putting an engagement ring on her finger, and why did he say “lose my number” instead of saying “marry me” before leaving her apartment that morning? And Why? And Why? And whywhywhy?

That really is the quickest way to get an innocent man to scream: I DID IT! GAS ME!