Doing what his father should’ve done 64 years ago, Donald Trump has pulled out of something! No, I don’t mean that. If Donald Trump didn’t exist on this planet, then I wouldn’t know of the Slovenian peach Melania Trump and the hussy-hating ways of Dionne Warwick. Donald Trump is good at giving the world what it really wants: reality show crazies and gold digging beauties. And now he’ll continue to devote all of his time to those two gifts since he has announced that his fake presidential campaign has come to an end.
Trump made the announcement at the same time NBC announced that Celebrity Apprentice will be back. Imagine that.
“After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly. Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.”
THANK GOD! Now I don’t have to spend another sleepless night worrying about whether my vote is going to go to a bull frog’s full colostomy bag or Jimmy “The Rent Is Too Damn High” McMillan!