The Closet Door Knob Is In Your Court, Mah Boo!

May 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Those of you who guessed “Don Lemon” for that “Which TV personality is coming out?blind item can give yourself a pat on the taint this morning. But you know, you should always start your day with a pat on the taint no matter what since it’s the body part that barely gets any love. It’s always getting splattered with all kinds of bodily fluids from our genitals and b-hole and we never thank it for that. We basically treat it like a back alley. It gets no love! It’s like the Marlon Jackson of body parts. So we should all pat our taints to let it know that we care. But I’m digressing all over a post again. Let’s move on to DON LEMON’S COMING OUT PARTY!!!!!

CNN’s prime-time weekend anchor Don Lemon, who is Liz Lemon’s ninth cousin once removed, made the decision to come out while writing his autobiography called Transparent. Don already admitted that he was child touched by a bishop, so he was a little wary because he didn’t want people to think that’s the reason why he loves the peen. Don also tells The New York Times that being gay and African-American is a totally different game.

“I’m scared. I’m talking about something that people might shun me for, ostracize me for.

It’s quite different for an African-American male. It’s about the worst thing you can be in black culture. You’re taught you have to be a man; you have to be masculine. In the black community they think you can pray the gay away.

You’re afraid that black women will say the same things they do about how black men should be dating black women. I guess this makes me a double minority now.”

I’m not even touching that one with a Tyler Perry joke, so moving on. Don also says that he wishes more famous people would come twirling out of the closet (Geraldo Rivera’s stache just twitched).

“I think it would be great if everybody could be out. But it’s such a personal choice. People have to do it at their own speed. I respect that. I do have to say that the more people who come out, the better it is for everyone, certainly for the Tyler Clementis of the world.

I think if I had seen more people like me who are out and proud, it wouldn’t have taken me 45 years to say it,” Mr. Lemon said, “to walk in the truth.”

Good for Don! Being an out gay definitely has its perks. You can openly make out with a dude almost anywhere you want AND when you’re listening to the Best of Aqua on the subway, you don’t have to hide your iPod screen from prying eyes. It’s a non-stop party! However, I will say that the real headline here should be: DON LEMON COMES OUT AS A 45-YEAR-OLD!

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